When you self-sabotage

“Have” it instead.

Sometimes there is something we say we want—and we really do want it. We go after it and expend a lot of effort in getting it. Then we may actually get it. Now what?

Some of us are in the space of not knowing what to do once we have something. It might even feel uncomfortable to have something we’ve wanted for so long. 

So what do we do? We might sabotage our efforts instead of continuing to take actions that maintain our efforts, actions that sustain our having gotten what we wanted.

This may be because the “capacity to have” hasn’t been cultivated in us yet. When we have something, it means that thing is here with us. Whether it’s an ideal weight, sobriety, an amount in the back account, a partner, a job title, etc. 

Sometimes when we finally get something that we’ve been wanting, unhelpful thoughts creep in, like, “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m unworthy of having this” or even just “This feels so uncomfortable.”

We become familiar and comfortable with a certain level of weight, income, connection, responsibility at work, how much we drink/eat. When we move beyond our “comfort threshold” even if we’ve gotten what we want, it can feel uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar. 

We may overeat to gain weight and be back at our “familiar” weight where we need to keep thinking about how to lose it. We might create arguments in a relationship to push someone away because we’re not used to having close connection. We might do something at work to set us back or sabotage our reputation. 

What does “having” something feel like? We may need to allow ourselves to get familiar with “having” so that we don’t self-sabotage. We can allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable at our new ideal weight. We can allow discomfort with a new job title and responsibilities. We can allow discomfort with the increased income we’re earning. All while still “having” it. 

When we allow ourselves to have something, it will become familiar and comfortable to have it. That’s when we’ve acclimated to our new level of being. 

As this relates to self-care, we can open ourselves up to feeling deserving of care, especially care from ourselves. 

What else do we want to create for ourselves and practice having?

Your turn: Is there something that you’ve been wanting but maybe feel undeserving of having? Tell yourself the truth about it. What do you really want? Are you willing to get it and then have it and possibly feel uncomfortable with it while you acclimate to it?

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What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

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