“Will I ever be good enough?”

Your Power Sentences.

How we think about ourselves and our lives contributes to how we take care of ourselves (or don’t). 

We have sentences in our minds that run our life. Mostly without our awareness of them.

These are called Power Sentences.

They’re powerful because they affect the results we create in our lives, usually by providing more evidence that the thought (Power Sentence) is “true.” 

When we’ve practiced thinking a thought over and over, it becomes a belief. Beliefs “feel true” even though they are just thoughts that we’ve thought over and over.

And if our thoughts/beliefs create the results we get in our life, let’s start to become aware of these Power Sentences. 

Some examples of unintentional and unconscious Power Sentences are:

  • “I’m not good enough.”
  • “I can never get it right.”
  • “I’ll never have what I want.”
  • “It’s always so hard for me.”
  • “Things don’t work out for me.”

What might these types of thoughts prove true in our lives? 

It’s possible for us to think and practice new thoughts and beliefs – new Power Sentences – ON PURPOSE. Ones that SERVE our lives more than the unintentional, unconscious thoughts and beliefs.

We must find the sentence that is running our life so we can make sure it is conscious and intentional.

The goal is to uncover our main Power Sentence, and make sure it’s what we want it to be.

Here’s an exercise to consider to find your Power Sentence(s):

  1. Who are you? What are you doing with your life? (Answer with one sentence only.)
  2. Are you doing it consciously? 

Is this who you want to be? 

Is this what you want to be doing with your life?

  1. When you look at your life as a result, you can see the SENTENCE CAUSING IT.
  2. What are the results you have vs. the results you want?
  3. Look at the effect of your sentences.

Here are some intentional, conscious Power Sentences to try on:

  • “I am always enough as I am.”
  • “I’m willing to figure out the things that are important to me.”
  • “I’m the creator of what I want in my life.”
  • “Everything happens FOR me to grow and learn.”
  • “I embrace all challenges.”
  • “I have value to contribute.”
  • “I am an extraordinary/amazing human being.”

What might these types of thoughts prove true in our lives?

Your turn: What are you discovering about your Power Sentences? What Power Sentences do you want to start practicing on purpose? What do you want to create in your life to become the version of you that you know you can be?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Boundaries for Thanksgiving

*Free* video training.

Happy Thanksgiving to all who are celebrating! I know the holidays can be rough for some folks, so if you’re feeling the holiday feels, allow yourself to be with those feelings. It’s all part of being human.

To keep it short and sweet today, I’m happy to share this video I created for you about setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. I’ve been talking about boundaries for the past couple weeks and emails can only capture so much.

This video goes into what gets in the way of setting boundaries and how to become aware of those things, along with some helpful language to stay connected while setting boundaries. It’s about 17 minutes long. Feel free to watch at your convenience.

(My video tile is a little cut off on the screen, but it’s sufficient—what’s important is that you can hear my voice as you follow along!)

I’d love to know what you think afterwards, if you’d like to share. Just reply to this email or use the link to the anonymous form below in the “What’s on your mind?” section.And if you know others who might benefit from what I shared about boundaries in this video, please pass it along to them!

Your turn: After watching the video, what boundary setting practice(s) will you explore to incorporate into your life? What is something covered in the video that you’d like to learn more about? What is one thing around boundaries you’re committed to doing for yourself?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Set boundaries, stay connected?

Here’s how.

We’re continuing our discussion about boundaries this week to get ready for the upcoming holidays with family members! 😉

We set boundaries because we want to keep our relationships healthy. Because our relationships are important to us, we can state our requests and boundaries from a place of connection instead of disconnection. Stating a boundary from anger, annoyance, or frustration usually isn’t helpful to a relationship. 

It’s our job to protect and be responsible for our boundaries. We can make requests, but ultimately we can’t force someone to do something. We can choose to leave or take action to protect our boundary. If we see that the other person frequently disregards our boundary requests, we may decide to create some distance with them and how we interact with them in our life, and let them know why.  

Most people think boundaries are something that they’re not. When it comes down to it, much of what we think needs a boundary is due to our own lack of self-care. 

To review, a boundary is required only when there has been a boundary violation. 

  • A violation is when someone comes into our space (physical or emotional) without us being OK with it. 
  • A boundary is stating what WE will do if that person continues their behavior. 
  • It is NOT us telling that person how to behave. 

Additionally, if we make a boundary request and don’t follow through on what we say we’ll do, we’ve only made an idle threat or consequence. This diminishes our own self-respect and the other person’s respect for us. 

A boundary request sounds like this: “If you continue to _____, then I will ______.” 

For example, “I don’t appreciate being berated, so don’t yell at me,” is NOT setting a boundary. It’s telling someone else what to do. 

“I hear that this is important to you and I don’t appreciate being berated. So if you continue to yell, then I’m going to leave the room until we can talk without you yelling,” is setting a boundary while wanting to stay connected.

The person can continue to yell. The consequence that we follow through with is leaving the room if they do. We used a connection phrase to start by acknowledging the other person with “I hear that this is important to you.” Other connection phrases:

  • “I appreciate you and your perspective, however, if you continue to _____, then I will _____.”
  • “I value our relationship and time together, but if you keep _____, then I will ______.” 
  • “I love you, and I’m not going to do that (thing that you asked me to) because it really doesn’t work for me. How else can I support you?” 
  • “I hear that you feel disappointed with my decision. I’m here to help in a way that works for both of us.”

What other questions do you have about boundaries? Let me know here.

Your turn: What boundary requests would benefit you if you made them? Do you have a clear request and a clear consequence/action that you’ll take if the other person violates your boundary? How can you keep the relationship connected while setting a clear boundary?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Ready to set boundaries?

Feel uncomfortable.

We’ll be talking about boundaries for the next couple weeks, so we can get ready for the upcoming holidays with family members!

Sometimes people mix up setting boundaries with trying to control others. We do not create boundaries for other people. We create boundaries to take care of and protect ourselves. 

Boundaries are not:

  • Ways to control or manipulate other people
  • Things you think other people should be doing (e.g. “I want my partner to clean the bathroom,” “I want my friend to call me back when I call her,” “I want my kid to clean her room.”)

We need to recognize when to use and talk about boundaries. This means having a clear sense of what and where our boundaries are. When we don’t have clear boundaries, people don’t know if they’re violating them or not. 

When there is a clear boundary violation, such as someone speaking to us in a demeaning way or someone doing something in our home that’s not allowed, we have the boundary conversation.

The conversation includes making a clear request along with stating a clear consequence. The consequence is something that WE will do, an action or behavior that WE will take. 

Here’s an example of a clear boundary: “If you smoke a cigarette in my house, I am going to ask you to leave my house. We don’t allow smoking here. This is what I will do if you smoke.”

It’s important to remember that the person we’re making the request of can continue to do whatever they would like to do. Human beings can smoke cigarettes if they want. It’s not a boundary violation until they come into our home or our car or our space. 

Notice that when we make the request, “If you continue to do that, then I will…” the consequence is the behavior that WE will take. It’s not, “You need to stop smoking or else.” We’re making the request and then explaining what we will do as the consequence of not following that request.

OK, so why don’t we set boundaries? Because sometimes it’s difficult and uncomfortable to make these requests and establish consequences with the people in our lives. 

Sometimes it’s so uncomfortable for us that we avoid making the requests. Or if we do make the requests, we don’t actually follow through on the consequences. Because that’s uncomfortable too–doing what we say we’ll do when someone violates a boundary means potentially risking our relationship with that person or facing their disapproval.

But then what happens when we don’t make these requests or when we don’t follow through on the consequences? People continue to violate our boundaries. 

And we get upset and build up resentments. Usually we’re the only ones feeling this way, because the people who continue to violate our boundaries don’t think there are any consequences for doing so. 

There’s a lot more to say about boundaries–more next week!

Your turn: Are you recognizing why you might not be setting boundaries that would benefit your life? What would you have to believe in order to make the requests and follow through on the consequences? How can you practice saying what you want to say instead of avoiding setting boundaries with people?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you can love “what is”

Stop resisting.

Most of us are used to–and mostly unaware of–creating unnecessary emotional pain when we fight against reality by thinking thoughts like:

“It shouldn’t be this way.” 

“This shouldn’t be happening.” 

“I shouldn’t have to do this.”

“It” can be replaced with any of these: she, he, I, they, my weight, my life, etc. 

“This” can stand in for whatever is happening that feels uncomfortable, undesirable, or unfair.

When we think these types of thoughts about something we have no control over or really can’t change, we’re resisting reality. 

We’re spending emotional energy on it and wishing it were different. But if it’s something we can’t change, it’s not only pointless, but painful. And it doesn’t do anything to change what happened.

The opposite of resistance is acceptance. On the way from resistance to acceptance, there is non-resistance. And beyond acceptance, there is “loving what is.” That’s the big one.

When we start to practice non-resistance, when we start to acknowledge that we may be fighting against something that we can’t change and just let it be what it is, there can be peace and ease. 

How do we know it was supposed to happen? Because it did. 

That might be hard to swallow, but then there’s nothing to fight against. Then everything is going the way it’s supposed to go.

I know this is a big leap for many people, some high-level sh*t. Many people feel resistant to even thinking of this as a possibility for themselves. To let go of how things “should” be or “should” have happened, and let things just be as they are. 

Maybe it’s not exactly “loving what is” yet, but what about some acceptance, or even some non-resistance? Instead of all the resistance, along with the emotional pain it brings.

This is not to say that we don’t change what is possible to change, or that we don’t move towards the change we want to see in our lives, or that we condone injustices.

But again, when we think injustices “shouldn’t” happen when they do in fact happen unfortunately all too often, we’re fighting against reality, resisting how things actually are in the world. 

And that only creates emotional pain and suffering for ourselves. When we’re in pain, we usually aren’t taking the actions that create change. 

Of course, we need to process the emotions we feel when something happens that we didn’t want to happen. The emotions of disappointment, frustration, sadness, anger, hurt, loss, or grief. And let it take as long as it takes to process them.

But how long do we want to keep wishing it didn’t happen and add suffering on top of those emotions?

When we can create more space for how things are, we surrender a little, we release some tension, we find some freedom. And that’s when we’ll get clear about what we really want and move towards creating the changes we want to see.

Your turn: What have you been resisting recently? What would happen if you allowed it to be what it is, without needing it to be different? How can the question, “How is this happening FOR me?” create some space in your experience?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

“It’s all gone terribly wrong”

But what if it hasn’t?

When we’re in the “other half” of our 50/50 emotional life, sometimes we may think something has gone terribly wrong, that maybe we’re wrong, that our life is wrong, that everything is wrong.

I want to offer that life and our human, emotional experience is 50/50 – 50% “good/positive” and 50% “bad/negative.”

It has to be this way because we wouldn’t know what “good” is without “bad.”

I think we’ve been taught incorrectly that our emotional lives should be “good” most, if not all, of the time. So when something happens and we feel the “bad” 50%, we think something has gone terribly wrong.

But if that “bad” 50% is supposed to be there, has anything really gone wrong?

No. We’re just in the 50% that sucks sometimes. And that’s okay. We’re okay. It’s all okay. We’re in the human experience.

It may not feel okay in the moment, but when we can stay with the negative feeling and allow and process our emotions, that’s when we’ll move forward. 

Avoiding the negative emotion can hurt us. Instead of experiencing the emotion, we buffer: we seek other things to make us feel better. Other things, like false pleasures, we don’t necessarily want, like over-eating, over-drinking, binging Netflix, over-Instagraming, over-working, over-spending, etc. 

We do these actions instead of allowing and processing an uncomfortable emotion like boredom, loneliness, shame, fear, jealousy.

But experiencing the negative emotion can help us. When we’re willing to experience the range of emotions, we open our lives up so much more. That’s when we know we can handle any emotion.

When we open up to the 50/50, we get some authority over it. Then we don’t have to be in a hurry to seek false pleasure or change things impulsively to feel better. 

Your turn: How would your life be different if you recognize that your emotional life is 50/50 and that’s okay? Are you open to allowing and processing negative emotions instead of avoiding or resisting them? What would you be more willing to do for yourself if you embraced the 50/50 of your emotional life?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you make positive changes

Let it be hard.

When we want to make positive changes in our lives, it’s usually because we know we can be living in a more aligned way. Aligned to what? 

Aligned to the version of ourselves we are becoming. Aligned to who we want to be. Aligned to the best version of ourselves. And it takes time, trial and error, and energy to know the direction we want to move towards. 

When we make decisions to change, we recognize that our lives might feel out of alignment with who we know we can be. That doesn’t mean who we are right now is “wrong” or “bad” or “not good enough”–it just means we know we can grow even more than where we are right now. 

I want to offer that this is part of showing care and love for ourselves, by wanting a healthier body, better relationships, finding our purpose, a job that will challenge us, being more present in our lives. 

So we decide to make the changes we think will move us towards those goals.

We might feel motivated and inspired at first, when our thoughts about what we’re doing make it easy to start out. Thoughts like, “I can do this. This is easy. This feels good. I’m doing something right for myself.”

But then it starts getting hard. Most of the time, people don’t stick to what they say they want because it starts to get hard

When it starts to get hard, we feel uncomfortable. Our brains want to go back to what was easy, comfortable, and familiar. 

Even if that ease, comfort, and familiarity wasn’t in our best interests and is why we made the decision to create changes in our life in the first place.

When it gets hard, we may think: 

“I don’t feel like it today.” 

“I can keep scrolling for another 20 minutes.” (which turns into 60 minutes!)

“I miss him so much, I’ll just text him to see how he’s doing.” 

These urges come up because we want to go back to what is easy, comfortable, and familiar. If we keep answering these urges by returning to what’s easy, comfortable, and familiar, we won’t get to the place where we pass through the “hard” part.

Instead, we can allow the urges–and any other feelings that come up–to be there without resisting or reacting to them. We can process them through instead. 

So let it be hard. And keep doing it anyway.

Keep sticking to the plan. Keep remembering why this is important. It was a decision to want more for ourselves because we care about ourselves. To align with who we want to be and are becoming.

When we can let it be hard, we will pass through to the other side of it. Then it will just become a regular part of what we do in our lives, a part of who we are. 

Your turn: Are you ready to stop quitting on yourself? Are you willing to let it be hard? What would happen if you let it be hard and got to the place where it’s just part of what you do and who you are? How would your life be better or different then?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

What does your body say?

Slow down and listen.

What’s the difference between sensations and feelings/emotions in our bodies?

Sensations are physical feelings: a cramp, muscle soreness, tingling, an itch, a stiff neck, hunger, thirst, a bruise, or anything that could be called “painful” is a sensation in the body. Sensations in the body travel to our brain and we recognize them as physical sensations, like pain, discomfort, cold, hot, etc.

Feelings and emotions (I use these interchangeably) are vibrations in the body that are caused by our thoughts. For example, happy, sad, anxious, excited, overwhelmed, worried, scared. Our brains create these vibrations by thinking thoughts.

The way these both work together sometimes goes like this:

We feel a sensation in our body that is “a little painful” and a thought might be, “That feels weird” and then the feeling/emotion it creates could be anxious, worried, or scared. And because we don’t want to feel that way, we might dismiss the emotion along with the sensation. We return to whatever we’re doing or working on, and if we feel the sensation again, we continue to dismiss it as something we’re too busy to be concerned about.

Eventually, our body is like, “Hey, I was trying to get your attention earlier, but you didn’t listen. Now I’m going to shout at you so you really hear me and pay attention.” This is when the pain or sensation gets very intense to the point where we can’t ignore it and may even need a trip to the emergency department to handle it. 

What often is more likely for most of us is that we’re so unaccustomed to listening to our bodies that we don’t hear the smaller signals at all. Until they’re big signals. 

Before it gets to that point–and sometimes it may be unavoidable because our bodies remain mostly miraculous mysteries, even to most doctors–we can learn to listen to and attend to our bodies. But first, we have to be willing to attend and feel and listen.

I’ll offer what I do and it may feel strange or “woo-woo” at first, so feel free to adjust to what feels comfortable for you, if you’d like to start connecting with your body more:

When I feel a sensation that I label as uncomfortable or even painful in my body, I check-in with it. I’ll put my attention on the area, breathe, and silently inquire,”Hi my dear, I feel that and I hear you. What message do you have for me?” And just be with that area of my body for a bit. 

Maybe the pain or discomfort will subside or maybe it will remain. I just attend to that area for a few moments and see what there is to see. And then later at night before I go to sleep, I’ll spend more time with it, if needed. I’m also open to calling my doctor, acupuncturist, or massage therapist, depending on what I think I need. 

This is not to say that we need to be overly worried about every sensation in our body. But we can be open to attending to and connecting with our bodies more. To listen with care. 

When we feel pain or discomfort in our body, we usually turn away from it, dismiss it, ignore it, disregard it. Or we “put it off” until we have time to “deal” with it. 

Our bodies are our allies and companions. We wouldn’t be able to do almost all of what we do in our lives without our bodies. They are our partners and deserve our care and attention, just like we’d give to a companion or partner we love.

When we can start to attend to our bodily sensations even more, we’ll strengthen our connection with our body and be able to “hear” its messages to us. Not only will we feel more connected, but we may also decide that taking actions to feel healthy and good in our bodies are priorities in our lives. And engaging in those actions become joyful habits instead of dreaded chores. 

We’ll have our ever-changing bodies for as long as we’re alive. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a loving, respectful relationship with it?

Your turn: Are you open to “hearing” what your body has to say to you? What might happen if you started seeing your body as a companion, partner, friend, ally in this glorious life you’ve been given? What is one thing you can do today to slow down and connect with your body? Maybe even give it some love and attention by acknowledging all that it has done and does for you?

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you bet on yourself

Let’s go!

“Leap and the net will appear.” – John Burroughs

I recently decided to take a big leap and move into my own space in San Francisco. The last time I lived on my own was when I lived in Manhattan–it was such an expansive and fulfilling experience. 

I thought that I wouldn’t ever pay market-rate rent in San Francisco because I could live in family-owned property and pay below-market rent. But it also meant I had to share a space with housemates in a living situation I’ve outgrown. So I decided to take the leap and rent my own space that’s a bit of a stretch for me to afford right now. My reasons are that I want to be more independent, to have my own space for creativity and expansion, to experience something different, and to stretch myself to see what I’m capable of. 

So I’m betting on myself to earn and create the income I need to make it work, so that I’m not just spending down my savings. I’m putting myself out there more and taking on new opportunities, saying yes to things, and most importantly, believing in myself to make it all work out. To have my back, to make aligned decisions, to trust in myself and my abilities, to have it take as long as it takes. So I’m also creating the net with the belief I have in myself.

I could have just stayed in my current situation and not taken the leap. My current situation is “safe” and familiar, but it doesn’t require more of me. I now get to rise up to a level that maybe I haven’t been at before. 

I’m becoming a person who can support herself through this goal. The reward is not only being able to comfortably afford my new living situation. The reward is also who I’ll become and what I’ll learn by achieving this goal. 

And that requires a lot of me–growth-wise and creativity-wise. And I’m up for the challenge. I’m willing to be a little scared and uncomfortable for a while, I’m willing to see what’s possible. I’m willing to go all-in on myself and to bet on ME. I trust myself to come through for me.

How do we make sure we take the actions needed to support ourselves? We create the feelings we need to fuel those actions. How do we create the feelings? We think the thoughts that create those feelings.

Right now, I’m thinking “I can do this. I’m going all-in on myself. I believe in myself. I can make it work no matter what. I’ll do what I need to do–and even have fun while doing it!” And all those thoughts create the feelings: determined, focused, excited, confident, motivated. And I’ll take actions based on those feelings. 

Sometimes we think other things or people are supposed to come through for us to make our dreams come true. We do get to make requests of people, to ask for help, and to benefit from the generosity of others and the resources available to us. 

And we are also the ones who are taking the actions to ask, to receive, and to say “yes” to opportunities that seem aligned. We get to decide what’s possible for us and what we need to do to make it happen for ourselves. 

Others can help us along the way, of course, but if we’re expecting them to provide the BELIEF we need to have in ourselves? It doesn’t work that way. We need to be the ones who believe in ourselves the most–1000%. We need to be the ones to bet on ourselves and go all-in.

Your turn: What do you want for yourself that you’re willing to go all-in on and bet on yourself to make happen? What would you need to think and believe? What would you need to feel? And what actions would you take (or not take) to get the result you want? Are you willing to have it take as long as it takes? Who will you become along the way?

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you try to do all the things

Be with you.

I’ve mentioned this before, that in the past I used to think I needed to DO all the things in order to prove my worth, because I used to think I wasn’t “good enough.” I wasn’t even conscious of this as a choice I was making–I just thought it was how I was supposed to do things. 

I’d do things from a sense of internal pressure–to take classes to learn a certain skill, to exercise only for weight loss, to do activities where I could meet new people, to be on nonprofit Boards, to volunteer my time in other ways. I ended up doing so much in order to feel like I was “good enough” that I ended up exhausting myself and feeling stressed out and overwhelmed.

Only looking back, and through the self-awareness work I’ve done through therapy and coaching, I see that I was “doing” in order to prove myself as worthy and valuable. Because I thought I wasn’t good enough, I thought there were things I could DO to feel good enough. 

Now I know that worthiness comes from within, that I can choose to have the belief “I am already 100% worthy.” And that belief is available to ALL of us. We get to choose to believe it (or not).

Sometimes we do things to “avoid” ourselves or “escape” ourselves. Maybe we’re not used to being with ourselves, or we don’t like being with our own thoughts, or maybe we might not like being with ourselves as our only company. 

If that’s the case, I want to offer that the most important work to feel “good enough” comes from learning how to like ourselves even more.

To do this, we need to know what we think about ourselves. Are we acknowledging ourselves for who we are and what we like about ourselves? Not what we DO, but who we ARE as people. Many times, when asked about ourselves, we talk about what we DO or the roles we have. But how often do we talk about what we like about ourselves? 

Some self-acknowledgements could be:

“I like myself for being generous” / “I am generous”

“I like myself for being kind” / “I am kind”

“I like myself for being understanding” / “I am understanding”

“I like myself for being intelligent” / “I am intelligent”

“I like myself for being ambitious” / “I am ambitious”

“I like myself for being amazing” / “I am amazing”

This is not to say that we’re doing this in order to feel “better than” other people–which for some of us, doing this type of work can feel uncomfortable because we’re not supposed to be “boastful.” 

No, this work is for us to acknowledge ourselves and who we are and what we like about ourselves. To feel “good enough” or valuable comes from within ourselves. When we slow down and spend time checking-in with ourselves, we get to know ourselves even more. We start to find out what’s true for us, about us.

And if we happen to see things in ourselves that we’d like to change or improve upon, we can always do so, but from a place of compassion and care for ourselves. Instead of from a place of not feeling good enough.

So now I do things because I want to, from a place of knowing that I have value to contribute–not in order to get a feeling of value from “out there.” 

Your turn: What if you stopped doing all the things to prove your worthiness and value and started spending time checking-in with yourself? What’s good about you? (Think about who you ARE, not what you DO, to answer that question.) How can you enjoy being with yourself even more? How can you enjoy being YOU even more?

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