Also, the election.
First, whatever you may be thinking and feeling after Tuesday’s election, we are all in this together. We know there’s a way forward, no matter what. It’s likely that half of the country feels like the world is over, and the other half may feel relieved.
Whatever happened does not change who YOU are.
When you know who you are, who you want to be, and how you want to show up for your life, whatever happened with the election has less power over you.
We can still value true friends, family, our resources, and community. And we can take action in solidarity with others when we feel called to help those around us and in our wider society. We can still know what is right for us.
We can stay true to our CORE VALUES. And allow ALL the feelings and ACT in solidarity with others who share similar values when we feel called to act. We can still live our lives in alignment with OUR values.
And if you’re feeling a desire for connection or support, I welcome hearing from you, so feel free to comment on this post or reach out anonymously here . . .
Last week I talked more about boundaries and how saying “yes” sometimes is lying. I encouraged us to tell the truth by saying “no” when we want to say “no” instead of lying and saying “yes.”
However, it’s also true that saying “no” usually has a cost involved, whether it’s emotional, financial, interpersonal, or something else. There can be a cost. And so, “no” might not be accessible in certain situations. And we get to decide when it IS accessible and when it ISN’T accessible for us.
However, I want to introduce the “pause.”
We can think of the “pause” as the boundary – especially when we have automatically been saying yes. The “pause” helps us to make a more informed decision about our response, so that it’s not an automatic response of “yes” or “no” or even “maybe.”
We might not be able to say “no,” but we can engage in the “pause.”
The “pause” can take various forms depending on the mode of communication. When it’s in a live conversation, it could sound like, “Thanks for asking me about that. Let me check and get back to you.” When it’s an incoming phone call, the pause looks like letting the phone call go to voicemail and seeing what the person wants instead of just answering your phone. When it’s a text message, you can leave the message unread until you have time to respond in a way you want. When it’s an email, same as the text message. And even when you do read the text or email, you can respond and say, “Let me check and get back to you.”
All of these things are negotiable, of course. You can absolutely pick up your phone depending on who it is. And you can also not pick it up depending on who it is. You can absolutely respond to a text message or email quickly. But you get to choose ON PURPOSE.
You get to decide how and when you want to respond, no matter what the situation is.
And let’s say in the situation, you can’t say “no” or “let me check and get back to you” for whatever reason. Maybe it’s financial, or maybe you do the math, and you can’t say “no.” Then you bookmark this for yourself.
And what that means is you recognize that you’re not able to say “no” now, but maybe in three months or a year from now, “I want to be able to be closer to saying no in this type of situation.” And by acknowledging the cost of saying “no,”, you have agency in that decision instead of having it be an automatic response that usually makes us feel like we had no power or agency in that response. We can acknowledge that we might not yet be great at setting boundaries, but we want to work towards being better at it.
So I appreciate this bookmarking concept for that purpose – practicing towards where we want to be and still supporting ourselves where we’re at now.
I know for me, working with a coach was helpful to build my confidence in setting boundaries and saying “no,” as well as learning the language to help me stay connected while setting boundaries.
What thoughts do you have about the “pause” or bookmarking where you’d like to be better with setting boundaries? I’d love to hear from you! You can reply to this email or leave your thoughts here.
Your turn: Where in your life might using the “pause” be beneficial for you? Where in your life might bookmarking a way to set boundaries more be helpful for you?
Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.
Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.
What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.
The Healing Modalities 