Is it selfish?

You get to decide.

Over the weekend, I attended the Kidpower International 35 year anniversary conference in Healdsburg, California. I’ve been part of Kidpower since 2002 and for this conference, people in the Kidpower community gathered from many places around the world, including Argentina, Ecuador, Guatemala, Mexico, New Zealand, Nepal, Vietnam, Pakistan, Montreal, Germany, Sweden, Russia, and Iran, and from various places within the U.S. We gathered together to learn, connect, and celebrate. I felt a strong sense of community and shared values.

At the conference, I made a presentation about Transformative Self-Care and received a question that I want to write about today: “What is the difference between self-care and being selfish?” 

This is an important question – and it might also contribute to being an obstacle for some of us to engage in our own self-care practice. If we see self-care as selfish and we don’t want to view ourselves as “selfish,” then the cognitive dissonance will get in the way. 

One conference participant shared a new concept: self-fullness vs. selfishness. I appreciated that idea! It’s like being mindful about ourselves by being self-full of what we need to for ourselves.

A question came to me that felt very powerful as well: 

Is it selfish to take care of ourselves if doing so helps us continue contributing to and taking care of others? 

When put that way, I don’t see the selfishness. I see someone who is prioritizing themselves so that they can continue to actively contribute to others and to the world. 

When we are depleted and worn down, contributing to others can feel like a burden. But when we are taken care of and filled up by our own efforts to care for ourselves, contributing to others can feel more joyful and desirable. 

Your turn: You get to decide – is it selfish to take care of yourself so that you can continue taking care of others and contributing in ways that feel good to you? 

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What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.