Allowing this to be

Greetings, from my bed.

This week I’ve been at home and mostly in bed, due to a back injury. I tweaked my back on Sunday and it spasmed whenever I moved in a certain way. I didn’t like being in pain. I didn’t like that I had to cancel my plans and appointments and couldn’t work. I felt worried because I was thinking that it wouldn’t get better. 

Then, like I practice with emotional pain, I practiced with this physical pain. I felt where it was in my body. I didn’t judge it or tell myself I shouldn’t feel it. I allowed the pain to be there. Instead of fighting against it and the reality of it. 

What does fighting against reality look like? We fight against reality by thinking thoughts like: 

“It” can be replaced with any of these: she, he, I, they, my weight, my life, etc. 

“This” can stand in for whatever is happening that feels uncomfortable, undesirable, or unfair.

When we think these types of thoughts about something we have no control over or really can’t change, we’re resisting reality. 

We’re spending emotional energy on it and wishing it were different. But if it’s something we can’t change, it’s not only pointless, but painful. And it doesn’t do anything to change what happened.

The opposite of resistance is acceptance. On the way from resistance to acceptance, there is non-resistance. 

When we start to practice non-resistance, when we start to acknowledge that we may be fighting against something that we can’t change and just let it be what it is, there can be peace and ease and healing. 

How do we know it was supposed to happen? Because it did. 

That might be hard to swallow, but then there’s nothing to fight against. Then everything is going the way it’s supposed to go.

I know this is a big leap for many people. Many people feel resistant to even thinking of this as a possibility for themselves. To let go of how things “should” be or “should” have happened, and let things just be as they are. 

Of course, we need to process the emotions we feel when something happens that we didn’t want to happen. The emotions of disappointment, frustration, sadness, anger, hurt, loss, or grief. And let it take as long as it takes to process them. 

Just like it takes as long as it takes to heal part of our body. We can do it with care, kindness, and compassion for ourselves instead of fighting it – and fighting ourselves too.

When we can create more space for how things are, we surrender a little, we release some tension, we find some freedom. 

Your turn: What have you been resisting recently? What would happen if you allowed it to be what it is, without needing it to be different? How can the question, “How is this happening FOR me?” create some space in your experience? 

(This back pain was happening for me to practice being with pain and with myself in a compassionate way. It helped me see how I can take even better care of myself, to recognize sooner when I’m pushing myself too hard, and to work through my emotions more openly. It’s a continuous practice – all of it –  and that’s OK!)

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