Tools to change your life

November 28, 2024 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Happy Thanksgiving! Sale.

As we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday in the U.S. today, I am grateful for all my interactions with you and for your time, whenever you read these posts. I know you have a lot of other information to consume throughout your day, so it means a lot to me that you choose to read these words.

As we move into the holidays and a new year, show yourself some extra gratitude by investing in yourself with tools to change your life – 2025 can be your best year yet! (Or gift this to someone else for their best year yet!)

I’m offering a deeply discounted introductory coaching program for you to start changing your life!

Tools to Change Your Life – Introductory Coaching Series – $297

Get out of your own way by learning these concepts to change your life!

– Build self-awareness about what you’re unintentionally creating in your life so you can create the life you want, on purpose

– Overcome self-sabotage by understanding how your brain has evolved to keep you “safe”

– Start believing new things and in new possibilities for your life and yourself

– Practice the power of processing emotions, instead of distracting from them or avoiding them

Learn the tools in four (4) 45-minute Zoom coaching sessions to be used when you like, within 3 months of purchase. Each 45-minute session includes 20 minutes of learning and 25 minutes of coaching.

Once your payment goes through and you submit the form on the payment page, you’ll receive an email to book your first session.

Change Your Life!

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

I didn’t want to write this post

April 18, 2024 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

😑

Sometimes, I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like doing “the thing,” whatever it happens to be.

For example, I didn’t feel like writing this post this week. I kept thinking, “What do I have to say? I’ve said everything that I want to say. I don’t have any new ideas.”

I felt unmotivated to come up with something new. But because I’m committed to myself and my business, I decided to tell the truth and have that be a topic I’m writing to you about this week.

We all struggle with those times when we say to ourselves, “I just don’t feel like it!” And then we don’t do whatever it is that we told ourselves we’d do.

And sometimes, that’s OK. When we check-in with ourselves and find that we really don’t have the energy or capacity to do something, we can choose not to do it.

We just want to make sure that it’s intentional, on purpose, and not just an automatic response, a way for us to push the “easy” button on something that might be really important to us in the long run.

What I mean is, are we getting in our own way and self-sabotaging in that moment OR are we choosing to take care of ourselves in that moment?

Because sometimes doing something to take care of ourselves might be hard – not easy. And doing something self-sabotaging is usually easy. Like eating that fourth cookie, or having that third drink, or blowing off the gym, our walk, our yoga class, our meditation practice – or not writing a weekly blog post.

So we really want to check-in with ourselves and ask, “Do I really not have the energy or capacity for this? Or do I just want to do the easy thing? What might be the long-term benefit of doing / not doing this thing?”

Sometimes we will choose to do the easy thing. If we do, we choose that on purpose and then we don’t need to beat ourselves up for it. Because choosing the easy thing and beating ourselves up for it doesn’t help anyone. In fact, it probably defeats the purpose of choosing the easy thing if we’re just going to beat ourselves up for it. Might as well choose the hard thing, then!

So I could’ve chosen the easy thing and not written a post this week. Would anyone have noticed? Maybe. Maybe not. But I chose to write this post and tell the truth about not wanting to write this post as an example of what’s possible.

(And honestly, when I finally sat down to write this, it wasn’t that hard!)

We can be intentional about our decisions as acts of care for ourselves, instead of automatically pushing the “easy” button. And we get to know the difference between self-sabotaging actions and self-care actions. We can always choose differently next time.

Your turn: Are you clear about which of your choices are self-sabotaging or self-caring? If not, you can get clearer for yourself. Each time you have the thought, “I don’t feel like it,” get curious with yourself. Why don’t you feel like it? Is it about caring for yourself or is it about pushing the “easy” button for yourself (aka, possibly a self-sabotaging action)?

Ultimately, you get to decide which one it is for you. Asking the last question, “What might be the long-term benefit of doing / not doing this thing?” could also help you find more clarity.

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Episode 2 of my show “Get Out of Your Own Way” is on today at 3:30pm Pacific time! And you can find it wherever you listen to podcasts, by searching my name, April Yee. Listen to it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Podcast Addict, and more!

Joy vs. Buffering

March 21, 2024 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

What’s the difference?

Last week we talked about doing things that bring us more joy. And I mentioned that this week we’ll look at the difference between doing things that bring us joy and engaging in behaviors that have a net negative consequence or that are self-sabotaging.

So, what is buffering? Buffering means engaging in an action to put a buffer between us and a feeling we don’t want to feel.

We buffer to avoid feeling emotional pain or uncomfortable emotions. When we buffer, we use external things to change how we feel internally.

The actions might look like we are doing things that bring us joy, like getting a sweet treat, having a nice glass of wine, or purchasing a small gift for ourselves. When we are experiencing joy, there’s a peaceful, easy, celebratory feel to it.

The difference with buffering is that we are likely OVER-doing something and feel out of control with it, like overeating, overdrinking, overspending, over-Instagraming, over-Netflixing, overworking, over-cleaning, or over-exercising. It could be anything, if we’re using that thing/action to prevent ourselves from feeling an emotion.

These things become false pleasures that have a net-negative outcome: When we overeat, we gain weight. When we overdrink, we end up with hangovers and half of the next day is ruined. When we overspend, we go into debt or don’t meet our savings goals. When we over-Instagram, we lose time that could be used in more valuable ways.

If buffering is what we do to avoid pain/discomfort, it makes sense that when we stop buffering, we’ll feel pain/discomfort. But most of us don’t understand this, which makes it almost impossible to stop buffering.

We have to be willing to feel uncomfortable in order to move past our buffers.

An analogy for this is like stepping into a house and turning on the lights and the house is a mess. The obvious and easiest answer is to turn the lights back off (to buffer) so the mess will “go away.” But the mess doesn’t go away–you just can’t see it now because the lights are off.

It’s similar with emotions. Avoiding an emotion doesn’t make the emotion go away—it just helps us not to see or feel it. We pretend it isn’t there, but it is there, and it’s there for a reason.

When we stop buffering, we’ll likely experience temporary pain. And the pain isn’t caused by the lack of buffering. What we need to do is stop buffering ourselves long enough to find the ACTUAL cause of the pain.

When we give up our buffers, we’ll still get upset, but we’ll deal with it differently. We won’t head for the ice cream, which will just make us feel sick or regretful. We’ll deal with it by becoming aware and examining why we’re upset. Soon, we won’t even want ice cream or chips because the (false) pleasure we get from food—or whatever buffering actions we’re doing—actually diminishes, and the pleasure we get from taking care of ourselves and fueling ourselves increases.

Instead of using external things to change how we feel, we can use our minds to change how we feel. Or we can keep the emotion and choose to feel and process it in the moment.

Your turn: What feelings have you been avoiding? What are the false pleasures you’ve been engaging in? In what way would your life be better if you didn’t have these false pleasures? Are you ready to stop buffering and willing to feel some discomfort instead, to move towards real well-being?

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When you self-sabotage

March 9, 2023 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

“Have” it instead.

Sometimes there is something we say we want—and we really do want it. We go after it and expend a lot of effort in getting it. Then we may actually get it. Now what?

Some of us are in the space of not knowing what to do once we have something. It might even feel uncomfortable to have something we’ve wanted for so long.

So what do we do? We might sabotage our efforts instead of continuing to take actions that maintain our efforts, actions that sustain our having gotten what we wanted.

This may be because the “capacity to have” hasn’t been cultivated in us yet. When we have something, it means that thing is here with us. Whether it’s an ideal weight, sobriety, an amount in the back account, a partner, a job title, etc.

Sometimes when we finally get something that we’ve been wanting, unhelpful thoughts creep in, like, “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m unworthy of having this” or even just “This feels so uncomfortable.”

We become familiar and comfortable with a certain level of weight, income, connection, responsibility at work, how much we drink/eat. When we move beyond our “comfort threshold” even if we’ve gotten what we want, it can feel uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar.

We may overeat to gain weight and be back at our “familiar” weight where we need to keep thinking about how to lose it. We might create arguments in a relationship to push someone away because we’re not used to having close connection. We might do something at work to set us back or sabotage our reputation.

What does “having” something feel like? We may need to allow ourselves to get familiar with “having” so that we don’t self-sabotage. We can allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable at our new ideal weight. We can allow discomfort with a new job title and responsibilities. We can allow discomfort with the increased income we’re earning. All while still “having” it.

When we allow ourselves to have something, it will become familiar and comfortable to have it. That’s when we’ve acclimated to our new level of being.

As this relates to self-care, we can open ourselves up to feeling deserving of care, especially care from ourselves.

What else do we want to create for ourselves and practice having?

Your turn: Is there something that you’ve been wanting but maybe feel undeserving of having? Tell yourself the truth about it. What do you really want? Are you willing to get it and then have it and possibly feel uncomfortable with it while you acclimate to it?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

Being indecisive is “easier”

September 1, 2022 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Just decide.

Have you ever needed to make a decision about something but you allowed yourself to be indecisive about it instead?

This could look like overanalyzing the pros and cons, asking other people for their opinion more than once, doing “more” research, switching back and forth between one decision and another, and procrastinating on taking action.

It can be worrying about whether it’s the “right” or “wrong” choice.

So we let ourselves stay in the mode of “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure.”

Our brains want to keep us safe and staying in “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” is one way it does this.

When we keep telling ourselves “I don’t know” or “I need more information” or “How will I know this is the right choice?” we block ourselves from deciding, because deciding can be scary.

Deciding means we will have to take action.

Deciding means stepping into the unknown.

Deciding means we could potentially fail.

Deciding means possibly having a difficult conversation.

Deciding means we may have to take on more responsibility.

Deciding means we may be successful beyond our wildest dreams.

All of that can feel scary. And all of that will also help us grow if we’re willing to see our decision as an opportunity for growth. If we’re willing to learn what there is to learn from this choice, even if it ends up being the “wrong” choice.

Personally, I don’t believe in “wrong” choices–they’re just experiences to learn from. And we can always change our minds.

Also, think about how much energy goes into being undecided. Our brains keep going over and over the options, the pros and cons, the potential outcomes, the worst-case scenarios, etc.–sometimes for hours or days or weeks. For the same decision.

That’s a lot of brain space that could be used for more productive means. Like creating the life we want. But instead, we think and think without creating forward momentum from all that thinking.

One thing that is powerful when making decisions is to like our reasons. Are we making this decision because it’s the “easy” choice, where we don’t have to stretch or expand ourselves? Are we making this choice from a place of self-love or self-sabotage?

When we like our reasons for our decision, there is liberation in deciding.

We won’t know what will happen until we decide and take the next steps.

Your turn: Do you recognize when your brain is keeping you safe by being stuck in “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”? Are you willing to just decide instead, to like your reasons for your decision, and to have your own back?

Will this choice move you toward an inspiring future or will it keep you stuck in the past? What’s the worst-case scenario if you make the decision you want to make? How will you be able to survive it?

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