“I don’t got this”

And that’s OK.

How many of us have said to others or have had it said to us, “You got this!”? Or how many times have we said to ourselves, “I got this!”? 

Sometimes that phrase can be an energizing, motivating way to support someone else or ourselves. Sometimes we need to hear it to get a nudge of confidence or determination to do something hard. 

And sometimes, the most supportive thing we can tell ourselves is the truth, “I DON’T got this.”

It might be a hard truth to hear for some of us who are used to figuring it out no matter what or pushing through it all the time. 

But try it out. Let it sink in. “I don’t got this.” 

How does it feel to say that? Maybe to admit that?

Maybe it doesn’t feel realistic. Maybe it doesn’t feel supportive. Maybe it feels icky. Why?

Or maybe it feels like relief. Maybe it feels like a revelation. Maybe it feels responsible. 

When we can allow ourselves to think or say, “I don’t got this,” we are allowing ourselves to tell the truth in some aspect of our lives that might feel daunting or overwhelming. Sometimes our lives can feel that way because we are human beings living in a world that we mostly can’t control.

If we can admit to ourselves, “I don’t got this,” a helpful next thing to ask is, “What do I need?”

Our brains like to find answers, so asking “What do I need?” gives our brain a job to do. The answer might be:

  • “Let it be for now” or
  • “I think I need to talk to someone” or
  • “I think I need to ask John for help” or 
  • “I think I need to ask Susie for help too” or
  • “I think I need to slow down” or
  • “I think I need to cry it out”

Or whatever the answer might be, listen and allow. 

It doesn’t mean we give up and we’ll never “got this” again. It means right now, we need some extra support – either from ourselves or from others who we trust to help or support us in a way that works for all involved.

Your turn: Where in your life do you “don’t got this”? Are you willing to admit that to yourself and have it be OK for now? Are you open to seeing what you need to move forward? How would you like to support yourself in this?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Does success give you permission?

Give it to yourself.

Last week we talked about redefining success. This week, let’s talk about why we want to “be successful” in the first place.

Most of us don’t realize this, but we want to be successful in order to give ourselves permission to believe certain things about ourselves and to feel a certain way. What? 

Sometimes, because we don’t have certain things or haven’t achieved certain goals, we think something is wrong with our lives. We think something is wrong with us.

We might think that achieving a goal will fill some hole we think we have in our lives. Why do we think there’s a hole there?

We might think that in order to believe we’re good enough or worthy, we need to accomplish goals first. We might think that in order to feel confident and happy, we need to accomplish goals first. We think the way to “fix” what’s “wrong” is to get something we don’t yet have, something outside of us. 

Does this sound familiar?

  • When I make $X amount of money, then I’ll feel secure.
  • When I have X job title, then I’ll feel proud.
  • Once I own a house, then I’ll believe I’ve made it.
  • Once I weigh X pounds, then I’ll feel comfortable in my body.
  • When I have a partner, then I’ll believe I’m lovable.
  • When I have my own business, then I’ll believe I’m legit.
  • Once I’ve done X, then I’ll feel worthy.
  • Once I have X, then I’ll believe I’m good enough.

Usually, even if we’ve done or obtained what we want, we wonder why we still don’t feel ____ or believe that we’re _____. 

This is because achieving goals doesn’t create our feelings or beliefs. Our thoughts create our feelings and our thoughts create our beliefs. Beliefs are just thoughts that we’ve kept thinking over and over until we think they’re true. After achieving a goal, we might feel something temporarily, but it’s not sustainable without doing the belief and thought work first.

If we’re waiting until we achieve a goal in order to believe something about ourselves or to feel something we want to feel, we might be waiting a long time. What if it’s the opposite? What if in order to achieve what we want, we need to believe and feel FIRST?

If we believe that we’re lovable, how will that impact the way we show up for dates? If we believe that we’re legit, how will that help us start a business? If we feel secure, how will we think about the money we’re currently making? If we feel comfortable in our body, how will we show up differently for ourselves?

We can believe and feel FIRST. Then, going after the goals we want is just to see what’s possible for ourselves, to stretch ourselves, and to have fun. Not to prove anything to ourselves or to fix anything about our lives.

Your turn: What would you allow yourself to believe and feel about yourself if you achieved a certain goal? What if you could start believing and feeling that way about yourself NOW with what you DO have and who you ALREADY are? 

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you redefine “success”

For you.

I was in therapy for the first time 8 years ago in January 2016. (I can’t believe it was that long ago now!) I realized I needed to talk to someone after going through emergency open heart surgery that saved my life – and also uprooted it. 

I’d been living in Manhattan for three years and happened to be back in San Francisco when I got admitted to the hospital in April 2015. I’d been experiencing symptoms for a month at that point, but because back then, I didn’t know how to listen to or understand my body, I wasn’t aware of what was happening or how serious the situation was. I was used to pushing through things. But all that changed after the surgery and I had to recalibrate what was physically possible for me in my body. 

I didn’t initially realize it, but I had attached a lot of my identity to work – I was someone who could work 12-14 hour days and get things done no matter what. I physically couldn’t do that anymore. So I felt lost, like I didn’t know how to live in my life any longer. I’d been so used to operating in a certain way for so long: go, go, go, do, do, do. 

Because I was “being successful” while doing that. 

One of the first revelatory things my therapist and I talked about was what my definition of success was. What did success mean and look like to me? Up until then, it had been unconsciously defined for me, by colleagues, society, media, peers. 

Success had looked like making a certain amount of money, having a certain job title, living a certain lifestyle, having that type of car, having these types of clothes, living in a certain neighborhood, eating at those types of restaurants, being “busy” as a sign of worth, stress as a “status” symbol, doing all the things while doing all the things. 

Honestly, when I think about it now, I see how exhausting it all was. I can’t imagine going back to that way of living “successfully.”

I had to redefine what success looked like to me post-surgery, in my new state of being in my body. Sometimes success looked like showing up for therapy sessions after being in pain the day before. Sometimes it looked like setting a boundary with a family member. Sometimes it looked like telling the truth to myself. Sometimes it looked like celebrating a new insight that I’d learned. 

My therapist empowered me to define what success looked like to me then, through a new perspective, through an internal lens of my own perception and how I felt in my body, not an external lens of other people’s perceptions while disregarding myself. 

Doing that took a lot of pressure off – pressure I didn’t even realize I was putting onto myself. Doing that also helped me feel more connected to myself and my life. It helped me show up the way I wanted to for myself, instead of the way I thought I needed to for others. And my definition of success continues to evolve.

How many of us are allowing other people or things to define what success means and looks like for us? Let’s start redefining it for ourselves based on who we want to be, how we feel in our bodies, and how we want to show up for our lives.

Your turn: How might redefining success for yourself be valuable to you? How might redefining success change the way you prioritize things? How do you want to redefine what success means and looks like for you? 

Here are three questions to consider in redefining success for yourself: 

  1. 1. Do I love who I’m being?
  2. 2. Do I love what I’m doing?
  3. 3. Do I love who I’m doing it with?

Take massive action in 2024

Create vs. Consume

Last week we talked about “deciding to” vs. “wanting to.” This week we’ll talk a little more about what we can DO when we decide to make changes in our lives.

We take two types of actions when it comes to our goals: passive action and massive action. 

Passive action is when we’re learning, gaining, and organizing knowledge about our goal. We’re consuming information about it. 

Massive action is when we actually DO something with what we’ve learned. We apply it in our lives in an active, creative way that moves us towards our goal.

Here are some examples:

Goal: Exercise 4 days/week

Passive action = Research gyms to join, learn about what exercises to do, make a plan for exercising by working different muscle groups each day, buy new workout clothes, watch social media videos of people showing you their workouts

Massive action = wake up an hour earlier 4 days a week, put on the workout clothes, drive to the gym, DO the exercises each of the 4 days as planned even when you think it’s too hard

Goal: Eat less sugar

Passive action = research low-sugar items, learn about how sugar affects your body, make a plan for how much sugar you want to eat each day, make a list of things that are OK for you to eat, watch social media videos about how to eat less sugar 

Massive action = remove extraneous sugary items from your home/office, stick to the plan that you made, decrease your desire for sugar, eat only the items on your OK list, eat only the amount of sugar on your plan, allow the urge to eat more sugar and don’t react to the urge (don’t eat more sugar) even when you think it’s too hard

Goal: Save more money

Passive action = decide how much to save every month, review your expenses and see where you can decrease spending, read a book about budgeting and reducing expenses, participate in a workshop about debt, make a plan for saving and decreasing expenses, watch social media videos about saving money

Massive action = set up automatic savings every month, allow the urge to spend money when you see something you “want” but don’t necessarily “need,” stick to your savings plan even when you think it’s too hard

Goal: Meditate 3 days/week for 20 minutes

Passive action = read about meditation methods, listen to talks by meditation teachers, choose a practice you want to explore, find a meditation group/class, purchase a meditation app/program, watch social media videos about people talking about meditation

Massive action = make a space in your home for meditation, show up to the group/class, sit and practice for 20 minutes even when your mind wanders and you think it’s too hard

Goal: Be kinder to yourself

Passive action = read books about self-love and self-compassion, make a list of ways to be kinder to yourself, heart and save social media posts about self-love and self-compassion, watch social media videos showing people talking about self-love

Massive action = look in the mirror and tell yourself “thank you” every morning for a month; when that feels comfortable, look in the mirror and tell yourself “I love you” every morning; when you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself, “What is the kindest thing I can do for myself right now?” and honor the answer; do some of those things on the list you made every week or every month

The point is to DO the actions that are part of our goal. While we do need to do some amount of passive action by consuming information, we can read, watch, and learn about our goal all we want, but if we’re not DOING the actions that will lead towards our goal, we’re just consuming and not creating. We’re staying where we are. Let’s not get stuck.

Even making a plan is passive – it’s not until we carry out the steps on the plan that we’re creating and taking massive action. Let’s create more than we consume. 

This is not to say that we don’t also take care of ourselves while moving towards our goals. A lot of us want to stop when it begins to feel hard because we think it should be easy. Let it be hard. And keep going. We can be kind and take care of ourselves when we need to, but there’s a difference between giving ourselves some grace and self-sabotaging or giving up.

Your turn: Are you able to tell the difference between the passive and massive actions you’ve been taking in your life? How can you become more aware of the amount you’re consuming vs. what you’re creating? What massive action(s) will you decide to commit to?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

“Decide to” in 2024

Don’t just “want to.”

As we move into 2024, many of us are likely thinking about changes we want to make in our lives. Sometimes we have a long list of things we want to do or change. Sometimes we have just one, two, or three big things. 

No matter what you have in mind, ask yourself this: Am I wanting to make these changes or am I deciding to make these changes?

Wanting to make changes is more like being interested in making the changes. When we want something, we have a desire or wish for something. It seems like a good idea. It doesn’t require any action to want something or be interested in something. 

When we decide to do something, it requires us to follow through on a course of action. Deciding is saying, “OK, I’m going to do X” and that’s a pretty firm commitment. Commitment requires action.  

How do you know if you just “want to” vs. “deciding to”? If you have some ideas of changes you’d like to make, think about each thing and see how it lines up with the “want to” or the “decide to” thoughts below.  

“Want to” thoughts (you allow things to get in the way of your goal):

  • My boss gave me a tight deadline, so I can’t go to the gym today (goal is to exercise every day)
  • I’m too tired to meditate this morning (goal is to meditate every morning)
  • It’s too cold to go for a run today (goal is to run 4x a week)
  • I deserve to have this treat because my day was so stressful (goal is to eat less sugar)
  • I just finished a big project so I’m treating myself to a purchase (goal is to spend less)
  • I don’t feel like it today
  • This is too hard

“Decide to” thoughts (your goal is your priority):

  • I’m going to do this today no matter what
  • This is worth it even if it’s hard sometimes
  • I can do hard things
  • I’m choosing to make this a priority for me today
  • Even though it’s cold out, I’m still going to do it today
  • This is important to me so I’m going to stick with my plan

Your turn: What do you want to do or be better at in 2024? What new results do you want to create for yourself? Are you ready to decide what you’ll do to make changes in your life? What would happen if you don’t make the change(s) you say you want to make? What would happen and who would you become if you did make the changes you decide to make?

Best wishes to you for 2024!

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you flake on yourself

You deserve better.

Last week I shared about the second pillar of the 3 pillars of transformative self-care – how we speak about and to ourselves. Let’s talk about the third pillar today: how we treat ourselves.

We might think we treat ourselves pretty well. We practice good dental hygiene, we get a massage every once in a while, we take vitamins, we sleep for several hours most nights, we put food into our bodies regularly, we use the stairs sometimes or park farther away from our destination to get in some extra steps. 

These are all beneficial things to do for ourselves. And what else can we do for ourselves to show that we care? 

One of the strongest ways we can show ourselves that we care is by doing what we say we’ll do – when it comes to ourselves. 

How would we feel about a friend or someone close to us who tells us they’re going to do this or that with us or for us, and then when the day comes to do it, they either call/text to say they can’t make it, or they don’t show up at all? 

  • – After the first time, we’ll likely give them some grace but feel disappointed by the outcome. 
  • – The second time they do it, we might start to question the validity of their words. 
  • – If they do it a third time, we’ll see a definite pattern here and probably feel frustrated and give up on believing them. We might even start to think that they don’t really care about or respect us. 

This would be a normal reaction to someone who seems to be unable to follow through on what they say to us – someone who flakes on us.

And yet, how often have we flaked on ourselves? Flaking on ourselves means saying we’ll do something for ourselves, but at the last minute, we change our mind and don’t show up for what we said we’d do. 

When we do this, we show ourselves that we don’t take our goals and desires seriously. We’re not caring for ourselves, and sometimes, we’re not respecting ourselves. Is that how we want to treat ourselves? 

If we want to start treating ourselves better by keeping our promises and commitments to ourselves, we can start to build trust with ourselves by taking small actions. “Today I’m going to walk around the block at 3pm.” 

And then at 3pm, we do what we say. We get up and walk around the block. 

When we do this, there’s a sense of empowerment, a feeling of accomplishing something and fulfilling a promise to ourselves – no matter how small. “It feels good to do what I said I would!” Celebrate that and remember the feeling. It will help reinforce following through with future plans.

This is how we start to strengthen the muscle of trusting ourselves more, knowing that we can have our own back. We can continue to make another small commitment to keep each day – it could be the same one! – until it’s just automatic for us to keep our word to ourselves. Until it feels uncomfortable when we don’t keep our word to ourselves. 

It might not happen overnight, but it’s worth it to keep practicing. WE are worth it. If we haven’t been in the practice of keeping our commitments to ourselves, it can take time to build that up. Take that time.

When we get even better at keeping commitments to ourselves, we learn to treat ourselves better in multiple aspects of our lives. We start to know what it truly feels like to take care of ourselves and treat ourselves in the way we want and deserve to be treated. We learn how to have our own back, no matter what. 

Your turn: In what ways do you want to treat yourself better? What commitments do you want to keep with yourself? What is one small commitment you want to make to yourself today that you’ll do tomorrow? When tomorrow comes, are you willing to build trust with yourself and do the thing? 

Dive Deeper: If you still find yourself not doing the thing, are you open to asking yourself if this is something you truly want to do for yourself or is something/someone else telling you “you should” do it?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Speak no evil

About yourself or to yourself.

Last week I shared about the 3 pillars of transformative self-care – the first pillar being how we think about ourselves. Let’s talk about the second pillar today: how we speak about and to ourselves.

The language that we use can affect us through our mind-body connection. 

I hear people say things like:

  • “That kills me!”
  • “I’m dying right now!”
  • “It’s such a pain in my neck!”
  • “Shoot me now!”
  • Or even the gesture of a thumb and index finger to the head, creating a pistol going off 

These phrases accompany things that relate to feelings: hilarity, annoyance, exasperation, or aggravation. We know they’re just pop culture phrases that people say to emphasize something they’re experiencing. But our words can affect us and those around us.

There’s a book called Your Body Believes Every Word You Say and from it, we learn that we want to become mindful of the language we use about ourselves and to ourselves. Not only to prevent physical manifestations of illness, disease, or pain, but also to reinforce what we believe about ourselves.

If we’re always denigrating ourselves to others – even in playful, joking ways like, “I’m such a dumbass, you’ll never guess what I did” – we might take small hits to our self-esteem without even realizing it. Our words might be reflecting what we really think about ourselves on a deeper level. 

This is not a gloom and doom warning, but rather a nudge to become more aware of how we can take care of ourselves – by using our words intentionally about ourselves, when we talk to others and when we talk to ourselves. 

AND, even when we talk about or think about others. Sometimes what we think about others and what we judge other people for is also a judgment about ourselves. What is it that they’re doing that we don’t allow ourselves to do? If we judge someone for being late, it’s because we likely never allow ourselves to be late. If we judge someone for being carefree and spontaneous, where in our life are we withholding that from ourselves? 

Instead, what if we practice phrases like this externally:

  • “That’s amazingly hilarious!”
  • “I’m so gleefully amused right now!”
  • “Honestly, that’s been really hard for me to manage.”
  • “I’m recognizing I need support in handling this.”

And internally: 

  • “I’m learning how to really like myself now.”
  • “I care about how hard this has been for me.”
  • “I know I’ll be able to figure this out.”
  • “I love myself no matter what.”

Our words are powerful and we can use them consciously and mindfully. We can use our words to care for ourselves – to support ourselves and build ourselves up. 

Your turn: Are you aware of how you speak about and to yourself? What do you notice when you pay closer attention to the words you use? How would you like to shift the language you use in your daily life to support your well-being even more? 

Dive Deeper: What are the stories you tell yourself about yourself? (For example, “I’m this [______] way because that [_____] happened to me.”) Are these stories true? What if they’re not and never were? What do you want to change about these stories to make them more empowering?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

3 Pillars of Transformative Self-Care

Relate to Self.

We’ve heard the term “self-care” being thrown about somewhat recklessly lately. It could mean anything from taking a bubble bath, getting a massage, going out in nature, or drinking a frothy, sugar-filled drink. 

Yes, those are all things we can do to take care of ourselves – unless we’re cutting down on sugar, then maybe pass on the frothy, sugar-filled drink! 

The way I view self-care is in a transformative way. And there are three pillars of transformative self-care:

  1. 1. How we think about ourselves
  2. 2. How we speak about and to ourselves
  3. 3. How we treat ourselves 

All this adds up to how we relate to ourselves – our relationship with our Self. 

How we think about ourselves will determine how we speak about and to ourselves. If we mainly think thoughts that reflect poorly on ourselves, we will likely speak poorly about and to ourselves. This shows up in self-denigrating language spoken out loud to others, like “I’m so lame, you’ll never guess what I did yesterday!” Or to ourselves, “I can’t believe I messed that up again! Why am I so stupid?!” 

How we think about ourselves also impacts how we treat ourselves. If we don’t think we’re deserving of care, we will likely not take caring actions towards ourselves, even if we know what to do to take care of ourselves. This shows up in how we blow ourselves off by not doing what we say we want to do. For example, we scroll on social media when we have plans to take a walk instead. Or we eat three cookies when we said we’d only have one. We don’t take our commitments to ourselves seriously. We flake on ourselves. We self-sabotage. 

And then we wonder why our relationship with ourselves can feel so frustrating. Why we never do what we say we’ll do. Why we end up feeling disappointed with ourselves. Why we feel discouraged about our goals. Why we keep making decisions out of alignment with ourselves.

We can start to build ourselves back up, to transform how we care for ourselves. We had a strong sense of ourselves when we were little kids. Over the years, most of us got that knocked out of us unintentionally by certain adults, society, peers, our culture, the media. 

We can think about ourselves intentionally and with kindness and care. Start treating ourselves like our 5-year-old self who is just starting to learn more about the world and other people. What would we say to that 5-year-old when she (or he or they) makes a mistake? Or when she is excited about something she’s doing? Or when she is sad because something didn’t go her way? 

This is one way to engage in transformative self-care: by becoming aware of our relationship with ourselves and to start nurturing it even more.

Your turn: What do you want to think about yourself on purpose, with kindness and care? Here’s a clue: What would you love to hear someone else tell you about yourself? What if you tell that to yourself and you believe it? How can you practice believing it even more?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Allowing this to be

Greetings, from my bed.

This week I’ve been at home and mostly in bed, due to a back injury. I tweaked my back on Sunday and it spasmed whenever I moved in a certain way. I didn’t like being in pain. I didn’t like that I had to cancel my plans and appointments and couldn’t work. I felt worried because I was thinking that it wouldn’t get better. 

Then, like I practice with emotional pain, I practiced with this physical pain. I felt where it was in my body. I didn’t judge it or tell myself I shouldn’t feel it. I allowed the pain to be there. Instead of fighting against it and the reality of it. 

What does fighting against reality look like? We fight against reality by thinking thoughts like: 

“It shouldn’t be this way.” 

“This shouldn’t be happening.” 

“I shouldn’t have to experience this.”

“It” can be replaced with any of these: she, he, I, they, my weight, my life, etc. 

“This” can stand in for whatever is happening that feels uncomfortable, undesirable, or unfair.

When we think these types of thoughts about something we have no control over or really can’t change, we’re resisting reality. 

We’re spending emotional energy on it and wishing it were different. But if it’s something we can’t change, it’s not only pointless, but painful. And it doesn’t do anything to change what happened.

The opposite of resistance is acceptance. On the way from resistance to acceptance, there is non-resistance. 

When we start to practice non-resistance, when we start to acknowledge that we may be fighting against something that we can’t change and just let it be what it is, there can be peace and ease and healing. 

How do we know it was supposed to happen? Because it did. 

That might be hard to swallow, but then there’s nothing to fight against. Then everything is going the way it’s supposed to go.

I know this is a big leap for many people. Many people feel resistant to even thinking of this as a possibility for themselves. To let go of how things “should” be or “should” have happened, and let things just be as they are. 

Of course, we need to process the emotions we feel when something happens that we didn’t want to happen. The emotions of disappointment, frustration, sadness, anger, hurt, loss, or grief. And let it take as long as it takes to process them. 

Just like it takes as long as it takes to heal part of our body. We can do it with care, kindness, and compassion for ourselves instead of fighting it – and fighting ourselves too.

When we can create more space for how things are, we surrender a little, we release some tension, we find some freedom. 

Your turn: What have you been resisting recently? What would happen if you allowed it to be what it is, without needing it to be different? How can the question, “How is this happening FOR me?” create some space in your experience? 

(This back pain was happening for me to practice being with pain and with myself in a compassionate way. It helped me see how I can take even better care of myself, to recognize sooner when I’m pushing myself too hard, and to work through my emotions more openly. It’s a continuous practice – all of it –  and that’s OK!)

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Thank yourself

And do it often.

Today in the U.S. it’s a day to be thankful and grateful. We’re taught to be thankful for others and the things we have. While this is a wonderful practice, we don’t usually get to focus enough on being thankful and grateful to ourselves and who we are. I believe we could be well-served to do this more often!

Thank yourself for showing up every day, even when you don’t want to sometimes.

Thank yourself for figuring things out and solving problems.

Thank yourself for making mistakes and learning from them.

Thank yourself for what you do for others.

Thank yourself for earning your income.

Thank yourself for paying your rent or mortgage.

Thank yourself for waking up early to go to the gym.

Thank yourself for choosing to sleep in.

Thank yourself for choosing the healthier option.

Thank yourself for indulging sometimes.

Thank yourself for aspiring to more.

Thank yourself for doing hard things.

Thank yourself for supporting yourself.

Thank yourself for your desires.

Thank yourself for choosing kindness.

Thank yourself for being good enough. 

Thank yourself for being you.

Thank yourself for becoming more of who you want to be. 

Thanking ourselves can change our relationship with ourselves. Even if the above seem aspirational, we get to be here each day and aspire to more for ourselves. If we want to, we get to choose how we show up for ourselves and for our lives. We can choose to keep doing more of the same. We can choose to try something different and new. We can be intentional. We can choose on purpose.  

Your turn: Do you feel worthy and deserving of your own thanks and gratitude directed towards yourself? How might thanking yourself more often change your relationship with yourself? What specifically would you like to remember to thank yourself for each day? Consider choosing life coaching to thank yourself. 

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.