Tag: value

You deserve the whole loaf

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

With honey butter.

I used to convince myself that I was happy in relationships where I really wasn’t. I told myself that wanting more was asking too much. That the scraps I was given were enough—if I just tried harder, stayed complaisant, didn’t demand things.

I remember being with someone who didn’t want the same things I wanted, and instead of honoring my own truth, I contorted myself into someone I thought he would want. I told myself I was fine. That this was love.

But it wasn’t. It was me abandoning myself for the sake of keeping the relationship.

We do this in all kinds of ways—not just in romantic relationships.
We mistrust ourselves.
We minimize our needs.
We shrink our voices.
We edit our desires to stay connected, to stay approved of, to stay “safe.”

The thing is, the relationship that suffers most when we do this is the one we have with ourselves.

We stop listening to our gut.
We override our knowing.
We become strangers to our own needs and wholeness, chasing crumbs of validation while starving for the fullness of self-trust.

And over time, that internal erosion leaves us disconnected—not just from others, but from our true and full selves.

The turning point, for me, was realizing:
I don’t want crumbs.
 I want the whole loaf.
And more than that—I deserve it.

Not because I proved myself worthy.
Not because someone else finally said I was.
But because I decided to stop abandoning myself and start trusting what I want, what I feel, and what is true for me.

Because staying in a relationship—whether romantic, professional, or even familial—shouldn’t come at the cost of losing you.

Your Turn:

  • Is there a place in your life where you’re settling for crumbs?
  • What might change if you trusted your desires instead of downplaying them?
  • What would self-loyalty look like in that area of your life?
  • See the poem I wrote here about deserving the whole loaf.

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Rise Stronger

firebird
~ The Healing Modalities ~ 1 Comment

And so, I crept on the ground

Small and insignificant

Curled myself 

Into myself

For so long

Accepted crumbs off the loaf 

I didn’t know how to deserve

For so long

Until my body took the lead

Over my mind

Reflected the weakness within

That became the weakness without

Shutting down systems of organs

A blood poisoned betrayal

For so long

Intruding upon and invading 

A worn down heart gasps

Sustenance, sustenance, sustenance

Anesthesia flows through vessels

Soul floats above unconscious body

For so long

Eleven hours cracked open

Reparation of my heart 

Fueled revolution of my life

Broken down, built back up

Cradled, shaped and molded, slowly

For so long

Until, until I rise strong 

A firebird hatched, vulnerable and new

Learning to spread wings wide

Lifting up, up to the sky 

In creation and celebration 

Say goodbye to the life lived so small

Grieve and mourn what can no longer be

Praise and give gratitude for something more

That is me

Reflected back to me

I see my value now, self-worth that was

For so long

Pushed down inside, rise

Rise strong

And I feel you getting near

Asking me to know my value

My worth

Before you can know it too

And I do, I do

I revel now in my revelation

Believing that I deserve the whole loaf

Receive it even with honey butter   

Doing all the things?

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Care for yourself instead.

Do we have space in our lives for self-care? Some of us may think that we don’t because there are “so many” other things that we “need to” do. Why are we doing so many of these other things and not caring for ourselves?

In the past I used to think I needed to DO all the things in order to prove my worth, because I used to think I wasn’t “good enough.” I wasn’t even conscious of this as a choice I was making-–I just thought it was how I was supposed to be living my life.

I’d do things from a sense of internal pressure—take classes to learn a certain skill, exercise only for weight loss, do activities where I could “meet new people,” be on nonprofit Boards for a sense of prestige, volunteer my time in other ways. I ended up DOING so much in order to feel like I was “good enough” that I ended up exhausting myself and feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. With no time to really care for myself in intentional ways. 

Only looking back, and through the self-awareness work I’ve done through therapy and coaching, I see that I was “doing” in order to prove myself as worthy and valuable. Because I thought I wasn’t good enough, I thought I could DO things to feel good enough. 

Now I know that worthiness comes from within, that I can choose to have the belief “I am already 100% worthy. I don’t need to DO anything to prove that.” And that belief is available to ALL of us. We get to choose to believe it (or not). 

So if we decide that we don’t have to DO things to prove ourselves, what might we let go of doing? How might letting go of some of those things create more space in our lives to prioritize and care for ourselves intentionally instead?

Your turn: What if you stopped doing all the things to prove your worthiness and value and started spending time checking-in with yourself? What’s good about you? (Think about who you ARE, not what you DO, to answer that question.) How can you enjoy being with yourself even more? How can you enjoy being YOU even more so that you feel deserving of the care you’d like to give yourself?

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Are you 100% worthy?

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Believe it.

I used to run around trying to do all these things in order to prove that I was worthy. I used to overwork myself at my job. I used to volunteer on weeknights and on the weekends. I used to say “yes” to everyone and everything. 

I thought I had to do all these things in order to show that I had value.

Now, I still do a lot of things, but it’s no longer coming from a place of “I need to prove myself and my worthiness.” Now what I do comes from a place of wanting to contribute because I know I have value to add. 

Through my coaching school, The Life Coach School, I learned to believe that I am already 100% worthy. I always have been. I just didn’t know that this was something I could believe about myself. 

Most of us aren’t taught to believe that we’re already worthy. What we are taught is to believe that we have to perform, achieve, and accomplish in order to feel worthy and valuable. That we have to please everyone and get everyone to like us to feel worthy and valuable. 

We were not taught that our own self-approval, self-acceptance, and our thoughts about ourselves are more important than what other people think about us or even what we think other people think about us. 

Much of the time, we do things because of what we think other people will think about us. We’ve been conditioned to do this. But we can’t control what other people think. Not if we do “good” things or if we do “bad” things. They will think whatever they want about us and that’s based on them and not us.

We build our self-worth through our thoughts about ourselves. Not through what we do for our work or job, what we do or don’t do for others, or what we do well or don’t do well.  

We build our self-esteem through our relationship with ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is built on what we think about ourselves. What kind of thoughts do we have about ourselves? What do we think when we look in the mirror? What do we think when we make a mistake? What do we think when something goes the way we wanted it to go? These are all thoughts we have about ourselves. 

Once we become aware of our current thoughts about ourselves, we can see whether they’re in alignment with how we want to feel about ourselves. If we wouldn’t let others talk to us in a certain way, why do we let ourselves do that?

Your turn: “I’m already 100% worthy.” Do you believe that? What about, “It’s possible that I’m already 100% worthy,” or “It’s possible that I can learn to believe that I’m already 100% worthy.” What would happen if you practiced one of these thoughts every day? What kind of thoughts do you think about yourself? Is there anything you’d like to change about that? If so, what?

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.