stuck – The Healing Modalities

May you discern accurately.

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day and the episode (an older one from 2023) featured Michelle Obama talking about her book The Light We Carry.

The hosts and Michelle were talking about her parents and how they were content and deeply satisfied people. However, the potential downside of being deeply satisfied with life sometimes is stuckness or rigidness – a fear of being more and doing more, outside our comfort zone.

I interpreted this as meaning that we need to be able to discern between being content and satisfied with our lives versus being afraid to do new things, or to have or be more than we already are.

This felt powerful and revealing to me because I’ve recently been considering certain things in my life. Travel, for instance. I traveled a lot when I was in my mid-20’s and 30’s, and now I recognize that I have less of a desire to travel.

Part of this is because I enjoy being HOME now and reveling in the home space I’ve created for myself. Another part of me knows that it takes a lot of energy and planning to travel too, which, when I think about it, already feels exhausting (!). And another part of me feels resistant to the discomfort of being away from home, in new places, without the familiarity of the things I’m usually surrounded by.

Of course, there’s also excitement and adventure in being around new places, people, and things. I’ll be on the east coast for two weeks soon, and I’m feeling the anticipation of that – having a change of scenery and exploring new places, doing things outside of my routine.

I’ll be traveling internationally later this year too, to places that I haven’t been before. Yes, it does take energy and planning. Yes, it may be tiring and uncomfortable. But it will also be fun and exciting to explore, eat, and experience new things.

Because, could I be satisfied if I never got to travel anywhere again and just got to be HOME, like I enjoy? Maybe. But what would I be missing? Would I be missing out on growth opportunities? Experiencing things I wouldn’t otherwise get to experience? Yes. All because of a little fear of being uncomfortable.

And it had me questioning, WHERE ELSE in my life am I doing this? Where else in my life do I think I might be “satisfied” with how things are, but in reality, I’m actually just resistant to feeling some discomfort or feeling afraid to expand?

My life coach says, “Discomfort is the currency of growth.” And isn’t that TRUE? There is no growth without discomfort.

Ultimately, we get to decide if we’re satisfied or afraid. May we discern accurately.

Your turn: Where in your life might you think you’re “satisfied” but in actuality, you might be afraid to stretch yourself to be more, do more, or have more?

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How?

Are you getting in your own way? If so, what does that look like for you?

It might look like feeling stuck in a life that you know could be better or different. It could be staying at a “safe” job because you feel too scared to pursue something you could really love. It might be not losing 20 pounds because “dieting has never worked for you.” It could be staying in a “situation-ship” because you don’t believe you’ll find someone better. It could be that you’re burning yourself out at work because you’re not setting boundaries.

For me, I got in my own way by:

– Letting other people define my value and worth
– Hustling for worthiness (trying to DO all the things to prove my worthiness)
– Wanting someone to “save” me from my “mediocre” life
– Not setting boundaries
– Ignoring my body
– Flaking on myself
– Lying to myself and others, aka people-pleasing
– Thinking I wasn’t good enough
– Not asking for help
– Thinking I needed to have it all figured out

I used to seek approval from external sources. This is a losing game because we can never get enough approval if we only seek it from outside ourselves. Other people and things can be unreliable in providing us with approval. The way to fulfill this need for approval is to give it to ourselves.

Recognizing that, these are some ways I practice getting out of my own way:

– Asking myself, “What brings me joy?”
– Taking responsibility for my life and emotions
– Setting boundaries in multiple areas of my life
– Connecting with my body, listening to it, honoring it
– Being kinder to myself
– Keeping commitments to myself
– Paying attention to my thoughts
– Allowing all the feelings – be willing to feel any feeling
– Telling the truth to myself, then to others
– Having my own back
– Loving myself no matter what
– Practice, practice, practice

Some of these things might sound familiar because they are things I’ve talked about and shared with you in the past through these weekly posts. 🙂

AND, I’m excited to announce: to dive deeper and learn more about getting out of your own way, you can tune in to my new show, “Get Out of Your Own Way” on Transformation Talk Radio!

My show premieres today, April 4th, at 3:30pm Pacific time! You can catch it by going here.

My show will also be available as a podcast on all the platforms where you listen to podcasts. Stay tuned!

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Tag: stuck

Satisfied or Afraid?

Get out of your own way