not good enough – The Healing Modalities

How?

Are you getting in your own way? If so, what does that look like for you?

It might look like feeling stuck in a life that you know could be better or different. It could be staying at a “safe” job because you feel too scared to pursue something you could really love. It might be not losing 20 pounds because “dieting has never worked for you.” It could be staying in a “situation-ship” because you don’t believe you’ll find someone better. It could be that you’re burning yourself out at work because you’re not setting boundaries.

For me, I got in my own way by:

– Letting other people define my value and worth
– Hustling for worthiness (trying to DO all the things to prove my worthiness)
– Wanting someone to “save” me from my “mediocre” life
– Not setting boundaries
– Ignoring my body
– Flaking on myself
– Lying to myself and others, aka people-pleasing
– Thinking I wasn’t good enough
– Not asking for help
– Thinking I needed to have it all figured out

I used to seek approval from external sources. This is a losing game because we can never get enough approval if we only seek it from outside ourselves. Other people and things can be unreliable in providing us with approval. The way to fulfill this need for approval is to give it to ourselves.

Recognizing that, these are some ways I practice getting out of my own way:

– Asking myself, “What brings me joy?”
– Taking responsibility for my life and emotions
– Setting boundaries in multiple areas of my life
– Connecting with my body, listening to it, honoring it
– Being kinder to myself
– Keeping commitments to myself
– Paying attention to my thoughts
– Allowing all the feelings – be willing to feel any feeling
– Telling the truth to myself, then to others
– Having my own back
– Loving myself no matter what
– Practice, practice, practice

Some of these things might sound familiar because they are things I’ve talked about and shared with you in the past through these weekly posts. 🙂

AND, I’m excited to announce: to dive deeper and learn more about getting out of your own way, you can tune in to my new show, “Get Out of Your Own Way” on Transformation Talk Radio!

My show premieres today, April 4th, at 3:30pm Pacific time! You can catch it by going here.

My show will also be available as a podcast on all the platforms where you listen to podcasts. Stay tuned!

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What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

You are.

When I talk about self-care, it’s about more than what we do for ourselves. It’s also about how we speak to ourselves, how we think about ourselves, and how we treat ourselves. Today’s topic relates to how we think about ourselves.

How many of us are familiar with the thoughts “I’m not good enough” or “There’s something wrong with me” or “I’m not worthy”?

These thoughts are usually under the surface of our consciousness, yet they can run the show for us, even if we’re not aware of them.

The thought that was running the show for me for many years was “I’m not good enough” and I didn’t even know it was there. But it influenced many of the choices I made and how I viewed myself.

In therapy, “I’m not good enough” revealed itself to me and I understood better why I suffered so much when my romantic relationships ended. Not only was I devastated that the relationship ended, but I also made it mean that I wasn’t good enough to have a “successful” relationship, which to me, meant a relationship “that lasted” (for as long as I wanted it to). I made it mean that because it ended, I was a failure, I wasn’t good enough. Hence, the unnecessary suffering.

Since that time period in therapy, I thought I’d done a lot of work on dissolving that “I’m not good enough” thought. Yet it came up again recently. Another layer showed itself in a slightly different way.

I recognized that I was believing I had to be better than I am in order to have the things I want. Whether it’s more income, more clients, better health, or a partner. For others, it might be being at an ideal weight, owning a home, getting a new job, starting a business, receiving kindness from others, taking time off, etc.

I saw the thought, “Something is wrong with me and this is why I don’t have what I want.” I thought I needed to be better than I currently am in order to have what I want.

And that’s just not true. Because how will I know I’m “better” than I currently am? That could be an indefinite amount of time getting to some “better” version of myself until I deem myself “worthy enough” to have what I want.

You know what that sounds like? It sounds like, “I have to be perfect before I can have what I want.” And we all know that “perfect” doesn’t exist. Sure, there’s knowledge and skills we can always strengthen, but we don’t have to be “better than” we are right now to believe we are worthy or good enough. We get out of our own way when we let this be true.

So I decided to accept myself exactly as I am, right now. I changed my thoughts to “I’m already good enough, right now, just as I am, to have what I want. I don’t need to be better than I am to have what I want.” And I’m leaning into these thoughts and practicing them.

Because I don’t have to be “better than” I am. I get to be exactly as I am right now and still create the life that I want to have. What will come to me as I am, is meant for me as I am. And I will learn and grow from creating and having those experiences.

Your turn: What limiting beliefs might be running the show for you? A clue could be that if you think there’s some future version of yourself you need to be to feel “good enough” or if you think you need to “fix” something about yourself to feel worthy, what is the belief beneath that? What do you want to believe about yourself instead?

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Tag: not good enough

Get out of your own way

Good enough, right now