Is it a problem?

February 13, 2025 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

It doesn’t have to be.

Our brains are wired to spot danger—it’s how we’ve survived for thousands of years. But sometimes, that instinct works too well. We turn neutral situations into problems, even when no real threat exists.

Something only becomes a problem when we decide it is.

And once we do? We start overanalyzing, “fixing,” and stressing—making it feel even more like a problem.

Take trouble sleeping. Is it actually a problem? Not until we tell ourselves it is. We lie there thinking:
🛑 Ugh, I have to wake up early.
🛑 If I don’t fall asleep soon, tomorrow will be ruined.
🛑 Why does this always happen to me?

That frustration creates tension, making sleep even harder. But what if we thought:
💭 I’ll fall asleep when I do. My body will get what it needs.

Less stress. Less pressure. More ease.

We can ask this same question in so many areas of life:

What if feeling sad about this outcome isn’t a problem?
What if waking up in the middle of the night isn’t a problem?
What if what that person said isn’t a problem?
What if the number on the scale isn’t a problem?
What if missing him isn’t a problem?
What if her anxiety isn’t a problem?

This isn’t to say that nothing should be a problem. This is to remind us that HOW we are thinking about something can make it seem like a problem. WE are creating the problem with our THINKING.

We can remember that all of our thoughts are choices. And we can choose our thoughts on purpose.

When we stop labeling things as “problems,” we create space for acceptance. And paradoxically, that’s what makes real change possible.

Because if the number on the scale isn’t a problem, maybe we’d actually make healthier choices from a place of self-care instead of self-criticism.
If waking up at night isn’t a problem, maybe we’d relax enough to fall back asleep.
If missing him isn’t a problem, we’d allow the feeling without letting it hold us back.

So, what if it’s not a problem? What if there’s nothing to fix?

Your turn: What have you been making a problem? What if it’s not? What would you think instead? What would you do instead?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Wish we learned this in school

May 4, 2023 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Who’s responsible?

We’ve all likely heard the saying that “You’re responsible for your own happiness.” It likely makes sense on an intellectual level, but how many of us actually embrace this?

If we’re responsible for our own happiness, that means we take responsibility for how we’re feeling–with ANY emotion.

But when we were younger, we learned the opposite from adults and even in school. We hear adults say, “You hurt Jimmy’s feelings. Say sorry!” or “Did she hurt your feelings by doing that?” And we’d likely think that “Yes, she hurt my feelings by doing that.”

Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted as saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

What’s really going on is that we’re making what someone else says or does mean something about ourselves. We’re basically agreeing with what they said or did, which is the only way something can hurt us—if we let it. If we think it’s somehow true about us or if we somehow deserve it.

Again, intellectually, this may make some sense. Living it and practicing it can be harder though, because we’ve been conditioned to believe that we cause other people’s feelings and that other people cause ours.

But we know from the Model that our thoughts create our feelings. It’s not the external circumstance that creates our feelings, even though it’s so easy to think that the circumstance is causing us to feel something. It’s what we’re thinking about the circumstance that creates our feelings. Our thinking creates our feelings.

So in that sense, we can see how we ARE responsible for what we feel. Once we really become aware that this is how it works, we can be intentional about how we want to feel. Which means being intentional about how we are thinking.

I think some of us have a misconception that someone else is supposed to help our lives be great. When we relinquish ourselves from taking this responsibility, who do we think it belongs to?

I used to want someone to come save me from my life when I was feeling dissatisfied and like things were missing from my life.

You know what was missing from my life? ME. I wanted someone else to take the responsibility that is mine, to help my life become better than it was. To create more income for me, to find opportunities for me, to find a partner for me, to find a place for me to live, to help me eat healthy meals, to take care of me. How could someone else do this if I wasn’t willing to do it for myself?

No one is going to do it for us. No one is going to live our lives for us. That’s our responsibility. We get to take care of ourselves and our lives. Intentionally.

We have everything we need within us to take responsibility.

And that is great news. Because then we realize we can have the exact life we want when we take responsibility for creating it and caring for ourselves along the way. Intentionally.

Your turn: What have you been giving responsibility to someone or something else to fulfill for you? Are you willing to take responsibility for this? How might your life be different if you started taking even more responsibility for what you want? How might your life be different if you practiced intentional self-care?

Dive Deeper: Do you feel any resistance to the idea of taking responsibility in this way? If yes, why? What if those thoughts are just limiting beliefs about what’s possible for you?

Want to learn more about the Model and how your thoughts create your feelings? Sign-up for an exploratory session here.

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

“Will I ever be good enough?”

December 1, 2022 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Your Power Sentences.

How we think about ourselves and our lives contributes to how we take care of ourselves (or don’t).

We have sentences in our minds that run our life. Mostly without our awareness of them.

These are called Power Sentences.

They’re powerful because they affect the results we create in our lives, usually by providing more evidence that the thought (Power Sentence) is “true.”

When we’ve practiced thinking a thought over and over, it becomes a belief. Beliefs “feel true” even though they are just thoughts that we’ve thought over and over.

And if our thoughts/beliefs create the results we get in our life, let’s start to become aware of these Power Sentences.

Some examples of unintentional and unconscious Power Sentences are:

“I’m not good enough.”
“I can never get it right.”
“I’ll never have what I want.”
“It’s always so hard for me.”
“Things don’t work out for me.”

What might these types of thoughts prove true in our lives?

It’s possible for us to think and practice new thoughts and beliefs – new Power Sentences – ON PURPOSE. Ones that SERVE our lives more than the unintentional, unconscious thoughts and beliefs.

We must find the sentence that is running our life so we can make sure it is conscious and intentional.

The goal is to uncover our main Power Sentence, and make sure it’s what we want it to be.

Here’s an exercise to consider to find your Power Sentence(s):

Who are you? What are you doing with your life? (Answer with one sentence only.)
Are you doing it consciously?

Is this who you want to be?

Is this what you want to be doing with your life?

When you look at your life as a result, you can see the SENTENCE CAUSING IT.
What are the results you have vs. the results you want?
Look at the effect of your sentences.

Here are some intentional, conscious Power Sentences to try on:

“I am always enough as I am.”
“I’m willing to figure out the things that are important to me.”
“I’m the creator of what I want in my life.”
“Everything happens FOR me to grow and learn.”
“I embrace all challenges.”
“I have value to contribute.”
“I am an extraordinary/amazing human being.”

What might these types of thoughts prove true in our lives?

Your turn: What are you discovering about your Power Sentences? What Power Sentences do you want to start practicing on purpose? What do you want to create in your life to become the version of you that you know you can be?

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Your Future Self knows how

September 22, 2022 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ 2 Comments

. . . to do it.

Many of us are used to looking to our past to determine what our future could be.

We may think, “Well, I’ve only made $75,000 a year before, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make more than that” or “I’ve never lost 30 pounds before, so I don’t know if I can do it” or just “I haven’t done that before, so I probably can’t do it.”

When we really look at those thoughts, it’s almost silly that we’d think them. Just because we haven’t done something before doesn’t mean that we’ll likely be unable to do it. That’s just an easy excuse, a way to shut out possibility.

How did we ever do something before we did it? By just doing it!

And learning from what we found out when we did it. Data gathering: “This seems to work. That didn’t really work. So I just have to do a bit more of this than that to keep going.”

Get a feel for it. Do it wrong. Get a feel for it. Do it a little more right. Repeat.

We didn’t know how to walk before, or ride a bike, or drive, or graduate from high school, or get a job, but we took the actions–and continued to take the actions–needed in order to do those things. To achieve those goals.

We had the desire to grow and learn, and we had the desire for an outcome. We had a strong “why” – a strong reason for wanting to make the effort to achieve the outcome.

So what gets in the way now of achieving those seemingly impossible goals?

Our thoughts. Which create feelings. Like fear, doubt, defeat.

Thoughts create our feelings, feelings drive our actions, and our actions (or inactions) produce the results we get.

So let’s think thoughts that create the feelings: determined, focused, excited, passionate.

If we’re basing what’s possible on our past, then yes, we will only be able to see what’s possible based on what we’ve already done.

But if we want to go beyond what we’ve done before, we need to look to our future and keep our focus there.

Our Future Self believes in what’s possible. Our Future Self knows that they can do it. Our Future Self is living the dream–has made the money, lost the weight, stopped drinking, has the partner, feels good.

So instead of thinking thoughts that create obstacles towards our goals and the feeling of “defeated” ahead of time, we can choose thoughts that create momentum and the feeling of “determined.”

What does our Future Self who’s already achieved the goal think and feel? Let’s start thinking some of those thoughts. Let’s start feeling some of those feelings.

When we choose intentional thoughts on purpose about what’s possible for us, we get to feel the intentional feelings created by those thoughts. Then we get to be intentional with our actions and inactions. And ultimately, we create the results we want.

Your turn: What do you want to create in your life and why? What would you get to believe and think about yourself when you achieve that goal? What would you get to feel when you achieve that goal? What if those thoughts and feelings are all available for you to believe and feel about yourself right now? Guess what? They are.

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