Tag: fear

Satisfied or Afraid?

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

May you discern accurately.

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day and the episode (an older one from 2023) featured Michelle Obama talking about her book The Light We Carry. 

The hosts and Michelle were talking about her parents and how they were content and deeply satisfied people. However, the potential downside of being deeply satisfied with life sometimes is stuckness or rigidness – a fear of being more and doing more, outside our comfort zone. 

I interpreted this as meaning that we need to be able to discern between being content and satisfied with our lives versus being afraid to do new things, or to have or be more than we already are. 

This felt powerful and revealing to me because I’ve recently been considering certain things in my life. Travel, for instance. I traveled a lot when I was in my mid-20’s and 30’s, and now I recognize that I have less of a desire to travel. 

Part of this is because I enjoy being HOME now and reveling in the home space I’ve created for myself. Another part of me knows that it takes a lot of energy and planning to travel too, which, when I think about it, already feels exhausting (!). And another part of me feels resistant to the discomfort of being away from home, in new places, without the familiarity of the things I’m usually surrounded by. 

Of course, there’s also excitement and adventure in being around new places, people, and things. I’ll be on the east coast for two weeks soon, and I’m feeling the anticipation of that – having a change of scenery and exploring new places, doing things outside of my routine.

I’ll be traveling internationally later this year too, to places that I haven’t been before. Yes, it does take energy and planning. Yes, it may be tiring and uncomfortable. But it will also be fun and exciting to explore, eat, and experience new things.

Because, could I be satisfied if I never got to travel anywhere again and just got to be HOME, like I enjoy? Maybe. But what would I be missing? Would I be missing out on growth opportunities? Experiencing things I wouldn’t otherwise get to experience? Yes. All because of a little fear of being uncomfortable.

And it had me questioning, WHERE ELSE in my life am I doing this? Where else in my life do I think I might be “satisfied” with how things are, but in reality, I’m actually just resistant to feeling some discomfort or feeling afraid to expand? 

My life coach says, “Discomfort is the currency of growth.” And isn’t that TRUE? There is no growth without discomfort.

Ultimately, we get to decide if we’re satisfied or afraid. May we discern accurately.

Your turn: Where in your life might you think you’re “satisfied” but in actuality, you might be afraid to stretch yourself to be more, do more, or have more? 

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Being indecisive is “easier”

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Just decide.

Have you ever needed to make a decision about something but you allowed yourself to be indecisive about it instead? 

This could look like overanalyzing the pros and cons, asking other people for their opinion more than once, doing “more” research, switching back and forth between one decision and another, and procrastinating on taking action.

It can be worrying about whether it’s the “right” or “wrong” choice.

So we let ourselves stay in the mode of “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure.”

Our brains want to keep us safe and staying in “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” is one way it does this. 

When we keep telling ourselves “I don’t know” or “I need more information” or “How will I know this is the right choice?” we block ourselves from deciding, because deciding can be scary. 

Deciding means we will have to take action. 

Deciding means stepping into the unknown. 

Deciding means we could potentially fail. 

Deciding means possibly having a difficult conversation.

Deciding means we may have to take on more responsibility.

Deciding means we may be successful beyond our wildest dreams.

All of that can feel scary. And all of that will also help us grow if we’re willing to see our decision as an opportunity for growth. If we’re willing to learn what there is to learn from this choice, even if it ends up being the “wrong” choice. 

Personally, I don’t believe in “wrong” choices—they’re just experiences to learn from. And we can always change our minds.

Also, a lot of our energy goes into being undecided. Our brains keep going over and over the options, the pros and cons, the potential outcomes, the worst-case scenarios, etc.-–sometimes for hours or days or weeks. For the same decision. 

That’s a lot of brain space that could be used for more productive means. Like creating the life we want. But instead, we think and think without creating forward momentum from all that thinking.

One thing that is powerful when making decisions is to like our reasons. Are we making this decision because it’s the “easy” choice, where we don’t have to stretch or expand ourselves? Are we making this choice from a place of self-love or self-sabotage? 

When we like our reasons for our decision, there is liberation in deciding.

We won’t know what will happen until we decide and take the next steps. 

Your turn: Do you recognize when your brain is keeping you safe by being stuck in “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”? Are you willing to just decide instead, to like your reasons for your decision, and to have your own back no matter what? 

Will this choice move you toward an inspiring future or will it keep you stuck in the past? What’s the worst-case scenario if you make the decision you want to make? How will you be able to survive it? 

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Ruminate much?

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

It’s a thought error.

I learned the term “thought error” from my teacher at The Life Coach School. Thought errors are also known as cognitive distortions, which are automatic, often unrealistic ways of thinking that can rapidly affect our mood and create or keep us stuck in cycles of anxiety, sadness, or other difficult emotions. Thought errors and cognitive distortions include all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, and personalizing, among others. 

A thought loop is when we keep repeating the thought error over and over again. It’s also known as ruminating (which is related to a cow chewing its cud, chewing on something over and over again). And we know our thoughts create our feelings, so whatever thought is looping, the feeling will likely persist and get stronger as well. 

Usually it’s the feeling of fear—or some form of it (worry, anxiety)— that drives us to loop our thoughts. And it makes sense because our brains have evolved to keep us alive and safe, so it’s usually looking for threats in the world. Most of the time, the threats are created in our minds.

I was very familiar with thought errors and thought loops. I ruminated and made up stories about facts. It’s easy to make up stories about facts:

We’re used to telling ourselves stories about facts. We make facts mean something about us, usually that we’re not good enough or we’ll never have what we want. 

A helpful way to remind us that we are thinking thoughts and that they are OPTIONAL is to add these phrases to our thoughts:

“I’m just thinking the thought _____.”

“I notice I keep thinking the thought _____.”

“I’m telling myself the story that _____.”

“Right now I’m thinking the thought ______, and that’s okay.”

Then we can find some space between our thoughts and what we think is fact. Sometimes this can create some peace or ease for us. We can discover that we are NOT our thoughts. We can start to become aware of our thoughts and then start CHOOSING THEM on purpose to serve us.

Your turn: The next time you find yourself ruminating or looping thoughts, remind yourself that you’re thinking thoughts and possibly making up stories about facts. What are the facts? What is the story you’re telling yourself about the facts? When you remind yourself of the story vs. the facts, how do you feel differently?

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.