When you don’t feel “good enough”

One of the things many of my clients struggle with is not feeling “good enough.” 

When we don’t feel good enough, we do things to try to prove that we’re good enough. This is how it can show up in our lives:

  • Working without boundaries, i.e. overworking
  • Not asking for help when we need it – sometimes being unaware that we even need help
  • Thinking we need to be and look “perfect” all the time
  • Talking to ourselves in critical, judgmental ways if we aren’t “perfect” – usually without knowing it
  • Staying too long – in relationships, jobs, homes
  • Doing so much that we’re unable to take time for ourselves 
  • Grasping onto things that aren’t in our best interest in order to prove something to ourselves and/or others – lifestyle, relationship, job, etc. 

Those things are usually unhealthy behaviors. And sometimes we’re not aware that they’re unhealthy until it’s too late. And that’s OK. That’s how we learn what isn’t working for us. And it’s a path forward to learning what DOES work for us, in healthier ways.

It’s OK to find out what isn’t working in order to move towards what does work – it’s probably the most common way we learn things. Sometimes we learn from our past experiences, a line in a book we’re reading, a story about someone else’s experience, or just being sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

I learned about some of my unhealthy behaviors through therapy and life coaching. And I’ve been doing the work to become healthier and engage in my life in ways that DO work for me. It’s been so fulfilling to live differently by living INTENTIONALLY with awareness of what I’m creating in my life.

So I’ve created an introductory coaching series called “Tools to Change Your Life” to support others on their own path to becoming aware of what ISN’T working for them, so they can discover what DOES work for them.

You can consider this program for yourself or for someone in your life who could benefit from a program like this!



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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Tools to change your life

Happy Thanksgiving! Sale.

As we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday in the U.S. today, I am grateful for all my interactions with you and for your time, whenever you read these posts. I know you have a lot of other information to consume throughout your day, so it means a lot to me that you choose to read these words.

As we move into the holidays and a new year, show yourself some extra gratitude by investing in yourself with tools to change your life – 2025 can be your best year yet! (Or gift this to someone else for their best year yet!)

I’m offering a deeply discounted introductory coaching program for you to start changing your life!

Tools to Change Your Life – Introductory Coaching Series – $297

Get out of your own way by learning these concepts to change your life!

– Build self-awareness about what you’re unintentionally creating in your life so you can create the life you want, on purpose

– Overcome self-sabotage by understanding how your brain has evolved to keep you “safe”

– Start believing new things and in new possibilities for your life and yourself

– Practice the power of processing emotions, instead of distracting from them or avoiding them

Learn the tools in four (4) 45-minute Zoom coaching sessions to be used when you like, within 3 months of purchase. Each 45-minute session includes 20 minutes of learning and 25 minutes of coaching.

Once your payment goes through and you submit the form on the payment page, you’ll receive an email to book your first session.

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Create vs. Consume

What do you create?

We all consume many things – the news, social media posts, streaming shows, movies, podcasts, books, articles, emails, food, drinks, learning courses, material items like clothing, etc. 

What I’ve learned through my life coach school is the importance of CREATING from what we consume. And to balance, as much as possible, what we consume with what we create in our lives.

For example, when I listen to (consume) podcasts, sometimes I get great ideas for content that I want to write about. Or I hear a great life hack that I implement into my life. Or I hear about a concept or idea I want to talk about with a friend. 

We can count these as creating! Literally, creating new content when I write about an idea. But also, implementing the life hack into my life is creating, and talking to a friend about an interesting concept is creating – I’m doing something new with the information I consume. 

It’s similar when we watch a show or movie and want to talk about it with someone – we’re creating a conversation and processing ideas we’ve consumed. Or when we read a book to join a book club and dive deeper into the ideas with others. Or when a social issue we see on the news or on social media moves us to take action. 

All of this can be considered creating and we can do this with almost any type of media we consume. And some people may be moved to create actual art when they consume media – but we don’t have to be artists to create something to share with others, though we do see a lot of wonderful art on social media and elsewhere by people who’ve created it!

This isn’t to say that with EVERYthing we consume, we need to create something as well. But we can start to become aware of how we’re consuming and whether or not we’re creating – or wanting to create – from what we consume.

We can become imbalanced in consuming if all we’re doing is collecting data points and not necessarily doing anything with them. We can also overwhelm and exhaust ourselves with information this way – along with consuming other THINGS as well. What happens when we over-consume food, alcohol, or material items? We may unintentionally create unhealthy bodies and environments for ourselves.

Part of self-care is intentionally creating healthy environments for ourselves. We want to be mindful about what we put into these environments and about what we consume. If we don’t like the way we feel after reading, watching, listening to, eating/drinking, or buying something, we can just notice that. 

If it’s something we have a direct choice to NOT read, watch, listen to, eat/drink, or buy, we can inquire with ourselves about whether we want to do that again or keep doing it. We can start to be more aware and intentional about what we’re consuming and whether or not we’re creating what we want in our lives. 

Your turn: What do you value consuming? Why do you value it? What do you want to create more of in your life? What can you create for yourself through some of the things you consume? 

If the ideas I share resonate with you but you’re not sure how to implement them to change your life, book an exploratory session with me to see what’s possible!

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

It’s not “over there”

It’s right here.

When we set goals for ourselves, it’s easy to start thinking that when we finally achieve those goals, our lives will be better. 

Our lives will be different, not necessarily better. We may not have some of the problems we had before achieving our goal. But then we may have new problems after achieving our goal. 

Life will still be 50/50, positive/negative.

But it’s tempting to think that “there” is better than where we are right now. We might start thinking:

“Once I get that promotion, I’ll be satisfied.”

“When I find my perfect partner, I’ll feel worthy.”

“Once I’ve lost the extra weight, I’ll love myself more.”

“When I buy a house, I’ll feel complete.”

“Once we have kids, our marriage will be more fulfilling.”

We can get focused on the “there” and forget about being here in the present moment. And when we place a lot of weight on getting “there,” we may be disappointed once we are “there” and we still don’t feel satisfied, worthy, loving, or complete. 

This is not to say that our goals aren’t important or that we shouldn’t have a vision of what we want for ourselves. But when we place so much responsibility on the future for the way we want to feel, we forget that we’re responsible for the way we’re feeling right now. 

“Being aware of the present moment simply means you never believe the illusion that the future is going to be better than what is going on right now.” – Mateo Tabatabai, The Mind-Made Prison

We can feel satisfied, worthy, loving, and complete right now by what we’re thinking about our life circumstances and ourselves. Our thoughts generate our feelings. We can fuel ourselves with the feelings we want to feel, take aligned actions, and create the future we want from here. 

Being “here” and creating our future from “here” is just as valuable and important as being “there” can be.

“Plan, dream, and organize all you want, just don’t start believing that what you have planned for the future is going to be any better than your current moment. You are going to be in the present moment your entire life. If you are focusing on how good the future is going to be, you are just running on the hamster wheel hoping to get somewhere. Life is right now in this glorious moment right in front of you. I believe that if you’re not allowing yourself to be happy right now, nothing external in the future is going to change that permanently.” – Mateo Tabatabai, The Mind-Made Prison

Your turn: What feelings do you think achieving your goals will generate for you? Do you believe you have the capacity to feel those feelings right now? What would happen if you didn’t need to wait for future circumstances to provide the feelings you want and that you can feel that way now? What would it look like for you to move towards your goals feeling now the way you think achieving those goals would feel? 

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Your beliefs about YOU

Choose on purpose.

We can create new outcomes in our lives with the thoughts that we think. It may seem more complex than that, but really, all new things come from ideas, which are thoughts.

And we know from our coaching model that our thoughts are what create our feelings. Our feelings are powerful drivers of our actions. And our actions create the results we get in our lives. 

When we want to create something in our lives, sometimes we need to have new beliefs about what’s possible. Beliefs are just thoughts that we’ve thought over and over again and now we believe they are true. 

Some beliefs are very useful to us. And some beliefs create limits within us and prevent us from doing things.

Some limiting beliefs might be:

  • I’m not good enough.
  • I just don’t have enough confidence.
  • I’m not talented enough.
  • I don’t have the discipline to do that.
  • People don’t understand me.
  • All the good ones are taken.
  • I won’t ever be successful.
  • I hate my body.

Once we’re aware of limiting beliefs we hold, we might feel the need to change them right away to their exact opposites—things that we DO want to believe. 

But if we take too big of a leap, we’ll have a thought that we don’t yet believe. And that thought won’t help us because we don’t believe it yet, no matter how many times we may repeat it during the day. 

So how do we get to the new belief we want to have that seems so far from our current belief? We practice thoughts that bridge us or ladder us to the next level of thinking.

As an example, let’s take the thought “I hate my body.” 

The goal thought might be “I love my body.” But it’s hard to jump from hate to love right away. 

Here are some potential ladder thoughts from “I hate my body” to “I love my body”:

  • I hate my body.
  • I have a body.
  • There are other people with bodies like mine.
  • Other people with bodies like mine seem to like their bodies.
  • It’s possible that I could like my body.
  • I am living my life because of my body.
  • My body has the potential to change and be healthier.
  • My body allows me to do things I enjoy.
  • I am learning to enjoy being in my body.
  • I am learning to love my body.
  • I love my body.

We may need to practice each ladder thought for a couple days, a week, two weeks, etc. before moving on to the next one. Until we truly believe the thought we are practicing, it’s important to stay with it before moving on to the next one.

Our thoughts are powerful. We can learn to create beliefs that empower us instead of disempower us. 

Your turn: What are some of the limiting thoughts/beliefs you hold? What are some goal thoughts/beliefs that you’d like to have instead? Explore and practice some ladder or bridge thoughts that can help you get to your goal thoughts. 

Need help exploring some ladder or bridge thoughts? Let’s talk about it. Sign up for an exploratory session here.

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.