Your body is not your servant.

March 20, 2025 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

It’s your partner.

How many of us really know how to connect with and listen to our body’s signals and messages?

Most of us didn’t learn how to do this. In fact, we were often taught the opposite:
—to push through when we’re tired,
—to ignore pain in favor of productivity,
—to treat our bodies more like machines than living partners in our lives.

We learn to override, dismiss, and silence the messages our body sends us—until, sometimes, it’s too late.

For me, it took emergency open-heart surgery to understand just how disconnected I had become from my body. My recovery became the beginning of a deeper relationship with it—one built on listening, respect, and care. I realized that not knowing how to honor my body is part of what brought me to that crisis point in the first place.

I used to feel guilty for resting when I didn’t feel well, like I was being “lazy” or “irresponsible.” But guilt while resting only adds stress, not healing. I was resisting what my body needed—and calling it productivity.

Resting while feeling guilty isn’t actually rest. It’s conflict. One part of us says, “Slow down.” Another part says, “Keep going.” And while we lie there physically still, our minds race, criticizing us for not doing more. No wonder we don’t feel restored.

Sometimes, it’s not just discomfort with resting—it’s discomfort with being alone with ourselves. The thoughts we’ve avoided by staying busy suddenly bubble up when we slow down.

But what if we met that moment with compassion instead of criticism?
What if we said to ourselves: “I am choosing to rest and care for myself. This matters. There is nothing more important in this moment.”

This applies beyond rest too—it applies to what we eat, how we move, how we hydrate, how we breathe, and how we speak to ourselves. Every choice is an opportunity to treat our body as a friend rather than a servant.

I began asking myself simple but powerful questions:
➡ At what cost?
➡ What do I need right now to care for myself?

Sometimes the answer was water, or a slower pace, or canceling plans after a long day. Sometimes it was simply pausing to breathe and remember that I’m not a machine.

The truth is: when we ignore our bodies, we disregard ourselves.
Caring for your body is not indulgence—it’s responsibility. It’s a form of self-respect. It’s a daily act of honoring your life.

We so often long for love, care, and appreciation from others. But are we offering those things to ourselves?

In the past, I thought that pushing past my body’s needs was being responsible—getting things done, being strong, earning rest. But now I know: true responsibility includes caring for the vessel that carries us through this life.

When we start treating our body like a partner—not a problem to manage, or a machine to control—we begin to experience a whole new relationship with ourselves. A more respectful one. A more loving one. A more sustainable and healthy one.

Your turn:
– What might change if you treated your body as a partner, not a servant?
– What can you do today to connect more with your body’s wisdom?
– Are you willing to pause and ask: “At what cost?” and “What do I need to care for myself in this moment?”

What happens when you start listening?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

No more people-pleasing

March 13, 2025 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Now what?

When we begin the work of letting go of people-pleasing, it can feel like everything is shifting.

For so long, acceptance and connection may have looked like being agreeable, accommodating, pleasant, helpful, easy to get along with. We may have shaped ourselves around what others needed or expected. We became the supportive friend, the reliable colleague, the one who didn’t rock the boat.

And underneath all of that was the quiet hope: If I can be who they want me to be, then I’ll be accepted. Then I’ll belong. Then I’ll be loved.

But people-pleasing is not the same as genuine acceptance or connection. It’s performance masquerading as intimacy. It’s self-abandonment in the name of belonging. And at some point, we realize that the cost is too high.

We realize that we’ve been offering curated versions of ourselves in exchange for “acceptance” or “connection.” But “acceptance” by others of curated versions of ourselves – is that really the acceptance or true connection we want?

So what do acceptance and connection look like now, in this next phase, post-people-pleasing?

It looks like showing up as your full self, not just the “palatable” parts.
It looks like being honest about your needs, your limits, your preferences.
It looks like saying “no” without over-explaining or justifying.
It looks like letting go of the idea that you have to manage other people’s emotions in order to feel safe in relationship.

And yes—this might feel strange and uncomfortable at first. We might worry that we’re being selfish, or “too much,” or not “nice enough.” That’s normal. We’re unlearning patterns that were reinforced for a long time.

But as we keep choosing honesty over false harmony, self-respect over self-sacrifice, we’ll notice something: our relationships begin to shift. Some will fall away. Some will deepen. And new ones will emerge—ones rooted in mutual authenticity, not some performance.

True connection doesn’t require us to stay small. It invites us to expand. It welcomes all of who we are.

Your turn:

In what ways have you curated yourself to maintain acceptance or connection?
What does authentic acceptance and connection feel like to you now?
What are you willing to let go of in order to experience more aligned relationships?

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Set boundaries & stay connected?

October 24, 2024 ~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Here’s how.

We’re continuing our discussion about boundaries this week and I want to emphasize that we set boundaries to take care of ourselves and to keep our relationships healthy for us.

Because our relationships are important to us, we can state our requests and boundaries from a place of connection instead of disconnection. Stating a boundary from anger, annoyance, or frustration usually isn’t helpful to a relationship.

It’s our job to protect and be responsible for our boundaries. We can make requests, but ultimately we can’t force someone to do something. We can choose to leave or take action to protect our boundary. If we see that the other person frequently disregards our boundary requests, we may decide to create some distance with them and how we interact with them in our life, and let them know why.

Most people think boundaries are something that they’re not. When it comes down to it, much of what we think needs a boundary is due to our own lack of self-care.

To review, a boundary is required only when there has been a boundary violation.

A violation is when someone comes into our space (physical or emotional) without us being OK with it.
A boundary is stating what WE will do if that person continues their behavior.
It is NOT us telling that person how to behave.

Additionally, if we make a boundary request and don’t follow through on what we say we’ll do, we’ve only made an idle threat or consequence. This diminishes our own self-respect and the other person’s respect for us.

A boundary request sounds like this: “If you continue to _____, then I will ______.”

For example, “I don’t appreciate being berated, so don’t yell at me,” is NOT setting a boundary. It’s telling someone else what to do.

“I hear that this is important to you and I don’t appreciate being berated. So if you continue to yell, then I’m going to leave the room until we can talk without you yelling,” is setting a boundary while wanting to stay connected.

The person can continue to yell. The consequence that we follow through with is leaving the room if they do. We used a connection phrase to start by acknowledging the other person with “I hear that this is important to you.” Other connection phrases:

“I appreciate you and your perspective, and if you continue to _____, then I will _____.”
“I value our relationship and time together, and if you keep _____, then I will ______.”
“I love you, and I’m not going to do that (thing that you asked me to) because it really doesn’t work for me. How else can I support you?”
“I hear that you feel disappointed with my decision. I’m here to help in a way that works for both of us.”

What other questions do you have about boundaries? Let me know here.

Your turn: What boundary requests would benefit you if you made them? Do you have a clear request and a clear consequence/action that you’ll take if the other person violates your boundary? How can you keep the relationship connected while setting a clear boundary?

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