Do you do this?

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the ways we try to escape from ourselves and our lives. In order to take care of ourselves, we need to be present for ourselves. We need to know what’s going on with us. We need to be able to tell the truth about what’s going on for us. We need to be present for ourselves exactly where we are.

Another way that we might routinely “leave” ourselves is by comparing what’s going on in our lives to what we think our lives “should” look like.

When we compare and despair, it’s hard to remain present with WHAT IS. 

It’s tempting to think that an idealized version of our lives is better than where we actually are right now. I call that “there vs. here” thinking. We might think:

• “Once I get that promotion, I’ll finally feel satisfied.”
• “When I find my perfect partner, I’ll feel worthy and complete.”
• “Once I’ve lost the extra weight, I’ll love myself more.”
• “When my business is up and running, I’ll feel successful.”
• “Once we have kids, our marriage will be more fulfilling.”

We can get focused on “there” and forget about being here in the present moment. And when we place a lot of weight on getting “there,” we may be disappointed once we are “there” and we still don’t feel satisfied, worthy, loving, successful, or fulfilled. 

This is not to say that we shouldn’t have a vision of what we want for ourselves and our lives. 

But when we place so much responsibility on the future for the way we want to FEEL, we forget that we’re responsible for the way we’re feeling right now, here in the PRESENT. 

We forget to be present for ourselves where we are, for our life where it is. Being “here” and appreciating what we have “here” is valuable and important in getting us “there.” In fact, to create the future we’d like to have, we need to appreciate what we DO have now.

“Being aware of the present moment simply means you never believe the illusion that the future is going to be better than what is going on right now.” – Mateo Tabatabai, The Mind-Made Prison

Your turn: What’s good about right now? (I can breathe, I’m working at a job that pays me, I have clothes to wear, I have eyes that can read these words. . .)  What can you appreciate about you and your life exactly as you are, exactly as it is? What do you feel when you think those thoughts?

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