An easy way to care for yourself

Even more.

One of the ways I started taking better care of myself was through thinking about my Future Self and what she would appreciate. 

It’s easy to do or not do something in the moment for reasons of instant gratification. But would your Future Self appreciate that action?

Here are some examples:

When faced with washing the dishes in my kitchen sink, would my Future Self appreciate the instant gratification of my Current Self leaving dishes in the sink for her to wash the next day? (Sometimes I DO choose to leave the dishes for the next day – on days when I know I don’t have to rush out of the house first thing in the morning. Then I DO have time to do them in the morning. But if I leave them there the night before a long day, I know I won’t be able to wash them until I get home later the next evening. And by that time, I might be too tired and there goes another day with dishes in the sink. In that case, my Future Self would appreciate me washing the dishes sooner rather than later.)

Would my Future Self appreciate me spending an hour scrolling on social media at night when I could be sleeping earlier or reading instead? I think my Future Self would appreciate some extra sleep or making progress in the book I’m reading.

Would my Future Self appreciate me skipping my morning workout routine today? What would be the consequences of that? If I’m sick or in pain, that’s a different story. My Current Self would appreciate it greatly if I skipped my morning workout routine today. My Future Self might also appreciate it, if it means that I rest and recover more quickly instead of pushing myself and prolonging the pain or sickness.

Would my Future Self appreciate me giving in to the urge to text someone who is better for me NOT to text in the moment? Probably not, because she would have to deal with the consequences of feeling anxious, waiting to hear back, receiving a message that she doesn’t want to hear, or engaging in ways that are unhealthy for her. 

Would my Future Self appreciate me eating another helping of food when I want to lose weight? No, because she’s the one who will be frustrated that her body weight isn’t changing and “nothing” is working. Even though it might meet my Current Self’s need for instant gratification, it will delay my Future Self’s desire for a more healthy weight and well-being. 

In thinking about our Future Self, what we’re doing TODAY contributes to what and who our Future Self will be, do, and have. 

Today, if we don’t overeat, we are taking care of our tomorrow Future Self who won’t feel lethargic and guilty for overeating. 

Today, if we spend an hour working on the report, we are taking care of our next-week Future Self who won’t need to scramble at the last minute to finish the report.

Today, if we decide to finally leave the toxic relationship we’re in, we are taking care of our 6-month later Future Self who is in a healthier relationship with themself (or even someone else). 

Today, if we create a monthly payment plan to pay off our debt and choose on each of the following months to stick with the plan, we are taking care of our one-year later Future Self who no longer has debt. 

We get to decide today with our actions how we are taking care of our Future Self. 

Your turn: What will you decide to do today to take care of your Future Self tomorrow? What about your Future Self in a week? In a month? In a year?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you try to escape from yourself

Do you know what it means to escape yourself? We may avoid ourselves or escape from ourselves for different reasons, which I’ll talk about in a minute. 

Forms of escape or avoidance that might be familiar to you are overeating, overdrinking, overspending, over-Instagraming, over-Netflixing, overworking, over-cleaning, over-exercising, or eating edibles. 

It could be ANYTHING, if we’re using that thing/action to prevent ourselves from being present to feeling an emotion.

I call this type of escape “buffering.” What is buffering?

We buffer to avoid feeling emotional pain or uncomfortable emotions. When we buffer, we use external things to change how we feel internally. This means engaging in an action to put a buffer between us and a feeling we don’t want to feel. 

We might feel like we’re taking care of ourselves by engaging in some of these actions. Sometimes we are. And sometimes, these things become false pleasures that have a net-negative outcome: when we overeat, we gain weight. When we overdrink, we end up with hangovers and half of the next day is ruined. When we overspend, we go into debt or don’t meet our savings goals. When we eat edibles, we are less present for our lives and those around us.

If buffering is what we do to avoid pain/discomfort, it makes sense that when we stop buffering, we’ll feel pain/discomfort. But most of us don’t understand this, which makes it almost impossible to stop buffering or escaping ourselves.

We have to be willing to feel uncomfortable in order to move past our buffers.

An analogy for this is like stepping into a house and turning on the lights and the house is a mess. The obvious and easiest answer is to turn the lights back off (to buffer) so the mess will “go away.” But the mess doesn’t go away – you just can’t see it now because the lights are off.

It’s similar with emotions. Avoiding an emotion doesn’t make the emotion go away – it just helps us not to see or feel it. We pretend it isn’t there, but it IS there, and it’s there for a reason.

And this is part of the reason WHY we buffer sometimes – to NOT find out what that reason is. 

Buffering is a way to tolerate our lives when we know there’s some misalignment occurring. 

We may be unhappy at our job, but we need to keep the job in order to support our family. So we buffer by overdrinking wine every night or impulse buying on Amazon or eating edibles.

Or we might be in a relationship that’s not working for us, but instead of having an uncomfortable conversation or making a scary, difficult decision, we stay in the relationship and buffer instead.

Or we don’t like the overall trajectory of our lives but don’t know what to do, so we buffer – which is easy – instead of doing the harder work of looking within, seeking professional help, or making tough decisions to help change our lives. 

When we stop buffering, we’ll likely experience temporary pain. And the pain isn’t caused by the lack of buffering. What we need to do is stop buffering ourselves long enough to find the real cause of the pain. 

It might mean taking a closer look at ourselves and our lives, our decisions and choices up to this point, and asking ourselves what we really need and how we truly want to take care of ourselves and our lives.

Your turn: What feelings have you been avoiding? What are the false pleasures you’ve been engaging in? In what way would your life be different if you didn’t have these false pleasures? Are you ready to stop buffering and willing to feel some discomfort instead, in order to move towards true knowing and well-being for yourself?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Equal air time

For the best-case.

Have you noticed that you think about worst-case scenarios more than you think about best-case scenarios?

This is partly due to our brains being wired to think this way, in order to survive. We want to be prepared for the worst. But why don’t we ever want to be prepared for the best?

Again, this is partly due to how our brains work – sometimes, we don’t want to be disappointed, so we avoid thinking about the best-case scenario to “protect” ourselves in case it doesn’t happen. OR, we think we’ll know how to handle the best-case scenario with ease, so we don’t worry about it much. 

But we DON’T think we’ll be able to handle the worst-case scenario, so we dwell on it, worry about it, ruminate about it – to no end sometimes. Worrying pretends to be necessary. We think that if we worry enough, we’ll be prepared enough. 

I want to offer that with any-case scenarios, we won’t know what will happen or how we’ll feel and act until we’re there.

What we CAN spend more time doing is giving the best-case scenario EQUAL AIR TIME. 

Equal air time just means that if we’re going to think about what’s wrong, what’s bad, what’s lacking, what’s missing, what could go wrong, etc. then we choose on purpose to also think about what’s right, what’s good, what’s enough, what’s here right now, and what’s going right.

It may not be the best-case scenario, but it’s a better-case scenario when we can see what’s right about something instead of what’s wrong about something – especially when thinking about what’s wrong about something isn’t serving us. We can help ourselves experience more appreciation and gratitude in that space of thinking about what’s right about something. 

And there’s less room for the story about “what’s wrong” to take up space when we’re focused on the story about “what’s right.” There’s always a 50/50 component to life – positive/negative. What we choose to focus on intentionally is up to us.

Your turn: If you find yourself thinking about “what’s wrong” often, are you willing to give equal air time to “what’s right”? What would be different for you if you started giving equal air time to “what could go right” versus “what could go wrong”? 

I’d love to hear any insights you want to share!

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Joy vs. Buffering

What’s the difference?

Last week we talked about doing things that bring us more joy. And I mentioned that this week we’ll look at the difference between doing things that bring us joy and engaging in behaviors that have a net negative consequence or that are self-sabotaging. 

So, what is buffering? Buffering means engaging in an action to put a buffer between us and a feeling we don’t want to feel. 

We buffer to avoid feeling emotional pain or uncomfortable emotions. When we buffer, we use external things to change how we feel internally. 

The actions might look like we are doing things that bring us joy, like getting a sweet treat, having a nice glass of wine, or purchasing a small gift for ourselves. When we are experiencing joy, there’s a peaceful, easy, celebratory feel to it.

The difference with buffering is that we are likely OVER-doing something and feel out of control with it, like overeating, overdrinking, overspending, over-Instagraming, over-Netflixing, overworking, over-cleaning, or over-exercising. It could be anything, if we’re using that thing/action to prevent ourselves from feeling an emotion.

These things become false pleasures that have a net-negative outcome: When we overeat, we gain weight. When we overdrink, we end up with hangovers and half of the next day is ruined. When we overspend, we go into debt or don’t meet our savings goals. When we over-Instagram, we lose time that could be used in more valuable ways.

If buffering is what we do to avoid pain/discomfort, it makes sense that when we stop buffering, we’ll feel pain/discomfort. But most of us don’t understand this, which makes it almost impossible to stop buffering.

We have to be willing to feel uncomfortable in order to move past our buffers.

An analogy for this is like stepping into a house and turning on the lights and the house is a mess. The obvious and easiest answer is to turn the lights back off (to buffer) so the mess will “go away.” But the mess doesn’t go away–you just can’t see it now because the lights are off.

It’s similar with emotions. Avoiding an emotion doesn’t make the emotion go away—it just helps us not to see or feel it. We pretend it isn’t there, but it is there, and it’s there for a reason.

When we stop buffering, we’ll likely experience temporary pain. And the pain isn’t caused by the lack of buffering. What we need to do is stop buffering ourselves long enough to find the ACTUAL cause of the pain. 

When we give up our buffers, we’ll still get upset, but we’ll deal with it differently. We won’t head for the ice cream, which will just make us feel sick or regretful. We’ll deal with it by becoming aware and examining why we’re upset. Soon, we won’t even want ice cream or chips because the (false) pleasure we get from food—or whatever buffering actions we’re doing—actually diminishes, and the pleasure we get from taking care of ourselves and fueling ourselves increases.

Instead of using external things to change how we feel, we can use our minds to change how we feel. Or we can keep the emotion and choose to feel and process it in the moment.

Your turn: What feelings have you been avoiding? What are the false pleasures you’ve been engaging in? In what way would your life be better if you didn’t have these false pleasures? Are you ready to stop buffering and willing to feel some discomfort instead, to move towards real well-being?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

What about joy?

Know it for YOU.

One of the first ways I started to learn how to take better care of myself was through asking the question, “What brings me joy?” 

I learned this question in my Holistic Life Coach certification program. And that was the first time anyone had suggested to me that this was a good question to ask myself. And to know how to answer it. In multiple ways. 

In working with my clients, it’s not a surprise that some of them have no idea how to answer the questions, “What do you want?” or “What brings you joy?” 

This is because they’ve been too busy letting other people have what they want, or helping others get what they want, or thinking about what others might want. 

This looks like saying:

  • “Oh, I’ll be fine with whatever you choose.”
  • “I know you like pizza, so let’s get that.”
  • “You have great taste, so I’ll let you choose.”
  • “OK kids, we’ll watch the movie you want.”
  • “OK honey, we’ll go where you want to go.”

This is not to say that we stop being considerate or thoughtful of what others want or stop going with the flow sometimes, but rather, we can start thinking about what WE truly want, like, and enjoy. Just so we know that for ourselves. 

We can still take part in and enjoy what others like AND we can learn to advocate for ourselves so others participate in what we like sometimes too. We don’t need to force them to do it and we don’t need to force ourselves to do it, if we don’t want to. And sometimes we might choose to do something that ISN’T our preference because it’s easier to do it than not to do it – it saves an argument or conflict from happening. That’s an intentional choice we make sometimes. And that’s OK, as long as it doesn’t become the default and create resentment.

When we can start knowing for ourselves what brings us joy and allow ourselves to partake in these things, we start to listen to and honor ourselves more deeply.

This is part of caring for ourselves, to let ourselves experience joy, comfort, and pleasure. Even if they are small things to start, like staying in pajamas all day, baking something, knitting/crocheting, sitting in silence in the car, watching an episode (or three) of reality TV, buying hot apple cider at the farmers market, or intentionally noticing the flowers on a walk.

Next week we’ll look at the difference between doing things that bring us joy and engaging in behaviors that have a net negative consequence or that are self-sabotaging. (Think: getting an ice cream cone because it brings you joy when you are actively working on reducing your sugar intake to lose weight. Which is why it’s great to have multiple ways to experience joy.)

Your turn: What kind of flowers do you like? What fabrics feel good on your skin? What colors do you enjoy wearing? What scents do you love? What soothes you? What have you been wanting to do / experience / eat / have but haven’t made the time for yourself to do / experience / eat / have that? When is the next time you can make time to do / experience / eat / have that? Make a plan to make it happen for you. When you do it, remember to thank yourself for making it happen.

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

“I hate myself”

Stop it.

I’ve noticed that people tend to be more interested in other people’s self-loathing than in other people’s self-loving. I wonder why this is?

Is it because we’re so familiar with our self-loathing that we can relate more to hearing about other people’s self-loathing? 

Is it because we don’t know how to love ourselves, so we judge others who seem to know how to?

Is it because we’re uncomfortable with loving ourselves, so we feel repelled when we see other people loving themselves?

Maybe. I used to feel frustrated when people said, “Just love yourself!” That seemed so far away, so aspirational, something I didn’t even know how to take a step forward to start. 

What does “loving yourself” even mean? What does it look like? 

It’s so interesting that hating ourselves seems so much easier than loving ourselves. We pick up all these messages from our culture and society that tell us why we shouldn’t feel good about ourselves the way we are. We need to be more this, less that, smarter, richer, skinnier, stronger, better. 

We’re basically told NOT to love ourselves because we need to be “better than” we are before we can even consider loving ourselves. 

And that’s just not true. We CAN love ourselves exactly where we are. It starts with being kinder to ourselves.

One of the most powerful things that helped me start being kinder to myself is this:

  • – Stand in front of a mirror
  • – Look yourself in the eyes
  • – Say “thank you” out loud to yourself

Start with once a day for a week and see what happens. It might feel uncomfortable and even unnatural at first, but keep going. This is for YOU. 

You are saying “thank you” to yourself for being you, for doing all the hard things you’ve done, for showing up each day even when you don’t want to sometimes, for your body that supports your life, for your eyes that see the world, for your hands that do the work, for you who exists in the world. Exactly as you are. This YOU has done some impressive things. This YOU has learned some important lessons. Let’s celebrate this YOU by saying “thank you” in the mirror. 

Keep saying “thank you” to yourself in the mirror at least once a day until it feels comfortable, until you can smile at yourself when you say it, until you feel the gratitude you’re giving to yourself. 

When “thank you” starts to feel comfortable (maybe after a month or two, maybe more/less), move to “I love you.” THAT can certainly feel uncomfortable and unnatural at first. Keep going. Do it for a week and see what happens. 

This is for YOU. Keep saying “I love you” to yourself in the mirror at least once a day until it feels comfortable, until you can smile at yourself when you say it, until you feel the love you’re giving to yourself.

You might start to find that you can say “I love you” to yourself in more ways than one. You might start feeling LOVE for YOURSELF.

Your turn: Are you willing to try the above activity until “thank you” feels comfortable? What about moving to “I love you”? And remember, our thoughts are optional, they’re choices. We can choose to stop thinking self-hating thoughts and choose to start thinking self-loving thoughts. I’d love to know what impact this has on you if you’d like to share!

Also, if you already practice this exercise, it’s just a reminder of how far you’ve come, how much you’ve done to love yourself, and how powerful this exercise is!

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Want more confidence?

Your thoughts about you.

How many of us want to have more self-confidence? There’s a difference between confidence and self-confidence.

Confidence comes from experience. If we’ve done something well before, when we do that thing again, we’ll likely have confidence that we can do it. The thought might be, “I’ve done this before and I can do it this time.”

Self-confidence comes from within. Even if we haven’t done something before, our thoughts about ourselves and our abilities can create self-confidence that we can figure something out. Or if we can’t figure it out, we’ll see it as a learning process, and we won’t beat ourselves up for that. 

Self-confidence comes from having our own back and what we’ll tell ourselves when something doesn’t go the way we thought it would. The thought might be, “I tried my best, I learned what didn’t work, and I’ll try it again to see what might work differently. I know I can figure it out.” 

Confidence and self-confidence are feelings. Our thoughts create our feelings. So if we want to feel confident and self-confident, we’ll need to think thoughts that create those feelings.

Many of us struggle with self-confidence because we’re used to telling ourselves mean and critical things when we think we’ve “messed up” somehow. Thoughts like:

  • “I’m just not good enough for this.”
  • “There must be something wrong with me.”
  • “Nothing ever goes the way I want it to, so why keep trying?”
  • “This is too hard for me.”
  • “They think I’m incapable.”

Those thoughts will create a feeling of disappointment, self-doubt, discouragement, or defeat. Are those feelings close to the confidence or self-confidence we want to feel? No. So let’s try different thoughts. Thoughts like:

  • “I’m figuring this out and I can keep trying.”
  • “I’m learning what works and what doesn’t.”
  • “It didn’t go the way I wanted it to this time, but let’s see if this other way works . . .”
  • “This is hard and I can do hard things.”
  • “I’m as capable as I need to be.”
  • “I’m deciding to believe in myself no matter what.”

When we become aware of the thoughts we think about ourselves, we can choose them on purpose. We can choose thoughts that serve us, that are kinder to ourselves than the ones we might be used to thinking. 

Your turn: Are you aware of the thoughts you think about yourself? What thoughts about yourself serve you? Which ones don’t? What are some slightly kinder thoughts you could choose instead? What are some much kinder–and still believable thoughts–you can choose instead?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you care for yourself

In all the ways.

Before we dive into this week’s topic, I was recently a guest on a podcast and I’m sharing the episode here if you’d like to check it out!

Now, on to this week’s topic!

Self-care is holistic. The term self-care has gotten a lot of buzz in the past few years, and rightfully so. It’s important for us to know that it’s okay to care for ourselves, that it’s vital to care for ourselves.

But how much of that is marketing? We hear about getting a frothy, sugary drink as “self-care”; we know that a massage is some good self-care; we can think of hair appointments and nail appointments as self-care.

And these things can definitely be part of self-care. What else is part of self-care?

We can consider how we care for ourselves around:

  • – Creative expression
  • – Money and finances
  • – Time
  • – Career and work
  • – Nutrition and health
  • – Hydration
  • – Physical movement and flexibility
  • – Sexual expression
  • – Play and rest
  • – Mindful breathing
  • – Skincare and bodycare
  • – Mind and mental health care
  • – Sleep
  • – Relationships
  • – Connection with nature
  • – Self (e.g. worth, value, respect, esteem)

All of these aspects are part of who we are as whole people. Sometimes we can get more focused on a couple aspects over others – and at times, it’s necessary to do so. But when we stray away too long from any one of these aspects, we can feel misaligned with ourselves and our lives, which can affect how we show up for ourselves and for others. 

The good news is that we can get realigned by considering where we want to consciously focus more of our energy. 

Do we want to focus on drinking enough water each day? Do we want to focus on getting enough sleep each night? Do we want to focus on connecting with our relationships more? 

When we decide which 1-2 areas (at a time) we’d like to consciously put more of our energy towards, we can then ask ourselves, “How can I make sure I _______?” – drink enough water, get enough sleep, get in touch with what I’m thinking and feeling, be out in nature at least twice a week, connect with someone close to me today, eat healthy meals at least once a day, take deep breaths during the day.

And the brain, in its powerful way, will get to work on finding the answers and figuring it out so we can focus our energy on caring for ourselves in a holistic way.

(Note: It’s helpful to constrain at first to focus on 1-2 areas. If we try to focus on more than that at one time, we might end up feeling overwhelmed and not doing anything for ourselves in any of the areas. Once we get good with those 1-2 areas, we can move on to 1-2 others.)

Your turn: Are you feeling misaligned with how you want to show up and how you are showing up? Which 1-2 areas in your life can you holistically focus on right now to feel more aligned with how you want to show up in the world? What are you willing to do in order to allocate your energy where you want it to go?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you think “I’m a bad person”

You’re 50/50.

The other day I felt guilty about doing something unhelpful for someone else. I could’ve helped out by making a task a little easier for someone I care about, but instead, I just sat there and let him do it all himself. I usually help out by moving the bedroom trash can closer to the door when he comes to gather the weekly trash to put outside. 

But this time, I was working on something and just sat at my desk and let him walk into the room, over my bags on the floor, to the trash can, and empty it. I just didn’t feel like getting up myself to help with it. And afterwards, I felt guilty because I thought, “I should’ve just done it and helped him. I’m such a bad person.” 

The truth is, just like our lives are 50/50, we are 50/50 people. We have various parts to us that make up our whole selves. We’re both good AND bad sometimes. We’re both helpful AND unhelpful sometimes. We’re both brave AND scared sometimes. We’re both strong AND weak sometimes. Maybe it’s more like 80/20 – and we get to acknowledge that the 20% is still part of us too. The 50/50 is a conglomeration of all those parts that act out in 50/50 ways.

I’ve been reading about our shadow sides in The Relationship Handbook. Our shadow sides are disowned parts of ourselves that we can actually learn and benefit from. “Our well-being depends on our being whole and having access to all of who we are.” 

I still cringe a little for not helping out when I think, “Why didn’t I just get up and do it?” I feel a need to make up for it. But the truth is, last week I took out and brought in the bins because he was traveling and wasn’t here to do it and I offered to. The truth is, every week if I’m in the bedroom, I get up and move my trash can closer to the door. This was ONE week when I didn’t do that and I’m beating myself up for it. Next week, I can choose differently. And this week, I can find another way to be helpful, if I want to, to make up for it if I still feel the need to.

We do this sometimes – or a lot – we let ONE thing dictate how we think about ourselves – usually in a bad way. 

It’s important to be aware of the times when we act out of alignment from who we want to be. We can use that information to make different choices in the future. And it’s also important to see how we might have been choosing to take care of ourselves by NOT doing something we might usually do.

We can beat ourselves up about it, if we want to. Or we can remember that we are 50/50 people and we can choose differently next time. Even though I didn’t move my trash can closer to the door this time, I’m still a good person, I’m still a helpful person. And maybe this time, I was choosing to take care of myself because I was working on something important and wanted to keep my momentum going. 

Your turn: Are you open to accepting yourself as a 50/50 person? In certain situations, can you see how you might be choosing to take care of YOU through your actions/inactions? What happens when you think, “I’m a bad person”? What happens when you think, “I’m choosing to take care of myself in this situation”?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you invest in yourself

Let’s go!

“Leap and the net will appear.” – John Burroughs

I recently decided to make a couple big investments in myself and my business. This year I’m deciding to put myself out there in bigger ways so I can reach more people and support them in their growth, in seeing what’s possible for themselves, in believing in themselves, and in achieving what they want – all while consistently caring for themselves.

By doing this, I too am seeing what’s possible for myself, stretching myself past who I already am and becoming an expanded version of myself. I want to see who I can become through this process. I know that no matter what the outcome, I will grow from going through this process. 

And maybe that’s the whole point of having goals. Not only to achieve the goal, but to see who we can become by working towards the goal. In working towards the goal, we will be strengthening our belief in ourselves, we might be taking actions we’ve never taken before, and we might be feeling the discomfort of doing these new things, these hard things. 

Then it doesn’t matter so much if we actually achieve the goal or not. Because we still get to be the person we’ve become from the effort we’ve exerted. That part doesn’t go away. That growth becomes part of us. We can take this version of ourselves to the next thing, and the next.

So I’m investing in myself. I’m betting on myself. I’m putting myself out there and taking on new opportunities, saying yes to things, and most importantly, believing in myself to make it all work out. To have my back, to make aligned decisions, to trust in myself, and to expand my capacity. And so I’m also creating the net with the belief I have in myself.

I could have just stayed in my current situation and not taken the leap. My current situation is “safe” and familiar, but it doesn’t require more of me. Now, I get to rise up to a level I haven’t been at before. 

And that requires a lot of me – growth-wise and creativity-wise. And I’m up for the challenge. I’m willing to be a little scared and uncomfortable for a while, I’m willing to see what’s possible. I’m willing to go all-in on myself and to bet on ME. It might not always be easy and fun, and that’s OK. I trust myself to come through for me.

How do we make sure we take the actions needed to support ourselves? We create the feelings we need to fuel those actions. How do we create the feelings? We think the thoughts that create those feelings.

Right now, I’m thinking “I’m going all-in on myself. I believe in what I have to offer. I’ll do what I need to do – and even have fun while doing it! Let’s see what happens.” And all those thoughts create the feelings: determined, focused, excited, curious, confident, motivated, playful. And I’ll take actions based on those feelings. 

Investing in ourselves is caring for ourselves, and also caring for our future selves. Our future selves will be so grateful for the work we’re doing now.

Your turn: What do you want for yourself that you’re willing to go all-in on and bet on yourself to make happen? What would you need to think and believe? What would you need to feel? And what actions would you take (or not take) to get the result you want? Who will you become along the way?

Subscribe if you want to receive this content directly in your inbox.

Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.