Tag: Asian American

Choose discomfort?

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Your new currency.

Why is it so hard to make changes in our lives, even when we know they will benefit us?

Because change requires discomfort—and our brains are wired to avoid it.

We make changes because we recognize that our current habits, routines, or mindsets aren’t fully aligned with who we want to become. It’s not that who we are right now is “wrong” or “not good enough.” It’s simply that we know we’re capable of more. We know we can grow.

Making changes is an act of self-care. We choose to eat healthier, deepen relationships, find more fulfilling work, or be more present in our lives—not because we’re trying to “fix” ourselves, but because we care about the person we are becoming.

At first, change feels exciting. We’re motivated, thinking, I can do this. This feels good.

But then … it gets hard.

The discomfort sets in. We feel resistance. Our brain urges us to return to what’s easy, comfortable, and familiar—even if that old comfort is exactly why we wanted to change in the first place.

We think:
🔹 I don’t feel like it today.
🔹 I’ll just scroll for a few more minutes.

🔹 It won’t make a difference anyway.
🔹 I miss him so much—maybe I’ll just text him.

These urges pull us back to comfort. But if we keep answering them, we’ll never pass through the hard part.

So let it be hard—and keep going anyway.

Discomfort is the price we pay for growth. The more we allow it, the closer we get to real transformation. When we stick to the plan, sit with the discomfort, and honor our commitment to ourselves, something shifts.

What once felt impossible becomes second nature. The habit becomes part of who we are. The future version of you is waiting. Are you willing to pay the price of some discomfort in the short term to get there?

Your Turn:

  • Are you ready to stop flaking on yourself?
  • What would happen if you let it be hard or uncomfortable—and kept going anyway?
  • How would your life be different if the thing you’re struggling with now simply became part of who you are?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

I did this to myself

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

What a packed schedule :/

Does it ever seem like your schedule is running you instead of the other way around? The other day, I found myself feeling overwhelmed—back-to-back meetings, no time to breathe, and frustration creeping in. And then I realized: I did this to myself.

In the past, I used to pack my schedule so tightly that I was constantly rushing, feeling anxious, and even getting irritated at people walking too slowly in front of me on the street. It wasn’t just about the logistics—it was the mental exhaustion of always being on and never feeling like I had enough time. I blamed my schedule, but in reality, I was the one choosing it.

Now, when I plan my schedule, I can ask myself some simple questions:

  1. Do I actually need to say yes to this?
  2. Am I giving myself enough space to transition between tasks?
  3. If I’m saying yes to this, what am I saying no to? (Rest, exercise, peace of mind?)

By checking in with myself first, I can make more intentional choices—whether that’s adding a buffer before a meeting, saying no to a last-minute reschedule, or planning recovery time after a packed day.

Another thing to consider is why we are saying yes to something. It might be out of obligation or to stave off a conflict with someone or to prevent ourselves from feeling guilty. Whatever the reason, do we like our reason? If so, that’s great. If not, we may want to reconsider or remember that we can choose something else, and like our reason for choosing that instead.

It’s not just about avoiding burnout; it’s about designing a schedule that supports us, rather than drains us. When we’re mindful of our choices, even a busy day feels more manageable—because we get to be in charge of it.

Your Turn:

  • How do you want to recover after an intense day or week?
  • Even if your schedule isn’t always within your control, how can you design it to work for you instead of against you?
  • What’s one small shift you can make this week to support yourself when you have a packed day?

Is it a problem?

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

It doesn’t have to be.

Our brains are wired to spot danger—it’s how we’ve survived for thousands of years. But sometimes, that instinct works too well. We turn neutral situations into problems, even when no real threat exists.

Something only becomes a problem when we decide it is.

And once we do? We start overanalyzing, “fixing,” and stressing—making it feel even more like a problem.

Take trouble sleeping. Is it actually a problem? Not until we tell ourselves it is. We lie there thinking:
🛑 Ugh, I have to wake up early.
🛑 If I don’t fall asleep soon, tomorrow will be ruined.
🛑 Why does this always happen to me?

That frustration creates tension, making sleep even harder. But what if we thought:
💭 I’ll fall asleep when I do. My body will get what it needs.

Less stress. Less pressure. More ease.

We can ask this same question in so many areas of life:

  • What if feeling sad about this outcome isn’t a problem?
  • What if waking up in the middle of the night isn’t a problem?
  • What if what that person said isn’t a problem?
  • What if the number on the scale isn’t a problem?
  • What if missing him isn’t a problem?
  • What if her anxiety isn’t a problem?

This isn’t to say that nothing should be a problem. This is to remind us that HOW we are thinking about something can make it seem like a problem. WE are creating the problem with our THINKING. 

We can remember that all of our thoughts are choices. And we can choose our thoughts on purpose. 

When we stop labeling things as “problems,” we create space for acceptance. And paradoxically, that’s what makes real change possible.

Because if the number on the scale isn’t a problem, maybe we’d actually make healthier choices from a place of self-care instead of self-criticism.
If waking up at night isn’t a problem, maybe we’d relax enough to fall back asleep.
If missing him isn’t a problem, we’d allow the feeling without letting it hold us back.

So, what if it’s not a problem? What if there’s nothing to fix?

Your turn: What have you been making a problem? What if it’s not? What would you think instead? What would you do instead?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Why you aren’t taking action

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

It’s about feelings.

Everything we do is because we want to feel a certain way. Every goal we chase, every decision we make—it’s all about the feeling we think we’ll get (or avoid).

Remember: Our feelings don’t come from our circumstances. They come from our thoughts about those circumstances.

And since our feelings drive our actions—and our actions create our results—our thoughts are shaping everything in our lives.

Do you want different results? Then you need to think different thoughts.

For example:

🚫 You decline a big opportunity, not because you can’t do it, but because you fear failure and want to avoid feeling dejected. The current thought might be, “I’m not sure I’m up to the task.” A different thought that creates a new feeling could be, “I’m willing to see what I’m made of.”

🤐 You don’t share your opinion in a meeting, not because it’s not valuable, but because you feel nervous, thinking, I don’t want to look stupid. A different thought could be, “It’s important for them to hear various perspectives.” And that creates a different feeling, like determination.

💔 You disconnect from your partner, not because you want distance, but because you feel hurt, thinking, They should want to spend more time with me. A different thought could be, “I want them to know how I really feel about this, even if it’s hard.”

See the pattern? Our thoughts fuel our feelings, our feelings drive our actions, and our actions create our results—sometimes, if we’re not careful, our thoughts can create the exact opposite of what we truly want.

So if you don’t like your results, start with your thoughts.

Your turn: What feelings are fueling your actions? What actions are those feelings driving? And are they creating the results you actually want?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you go all-in

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Bet on yourself.

“Leap and the net will appear.” – John Burroughs

This year, I’m deciding to go all-in with the goals I have. It sounds obvious—of course we need to be all-in to succeed. But how often do we quietly talk ourselves out of what we want?

“It probably won’t happen, so why try?”

“What if I give up before I get there?”

“What if I’m not cut out for this?”

These are just ways our brain tries to keep us “safe,” by convincing us NOT to take actions towards our goals. Because goals can be scary. The unknown feels risky. Disappointment, failure, and letting ourselves (or others) down feels scary. So, we hedge our bets. We put in half-effort as a built-in excuse for why we didn’t make it.

But half-effort isn’t going all-in.

Something shifts when we decide to go all-in, when we DO take actions—even if we ultimately don’t end up with our intended goal. 

Even if we don’t end up with our intended goal?!

Yes. Because by doing this, we are seeing what’s possible for ourselves, stretching ourselves past who we already are and becoming an expanded version of ourselves. 

I want to see who I can become through this process. I know that no matter what the outcome, I will grow from going through this process. 

And maybe that’s the whole point of having goals. Not only to achieve the goal, but to see who we can become by working towards the goal. In working towards the goal, we will be strengthening our belief in ourselves, we might be taking actions we’ve never taken before, and we might be feeling the discomfort of doing these new things, these hard things. 

Then it doesn’t matter so much if we actually achieve the goal or not. Because we still get to be the person we’ve become from the effort we’ve exerted. That part doesn’t go away. That growth becomes part of us. We can take this version of ourselves to the next thing, and the next.

And that version of us? That’s the real win.

Your turn: What do you want for yourself that you’re willing to go all-in on and bet on yourself to make happen? What would you need to think and believe? What would you need to feel? And what actions would you take (or not take) to get the result you want? Who will you become along the way?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

“Decide to” in 2025

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Don’t just “want to.”

As we move into 2025, many of us are likely thinking about changes we want to make in our lives. Sometimes we have a long list of things we want to do or change. Sometimes we have just one, two, or three big things. 

No matter what you have in mind, ask yourself this: Am I wanting to make these changes or am I deciding to make these changes?

Wanting to make changes is more like being interested in making the changes. When we want something, we have a desire or wish for something. It seems like a good idea. It doesn’t require any action to want something or be interested in something. 

When we decide to do something, it requires us to follow through on a course of action. Deciding is saying, “OK, I’m going to do X” and that’s a pretty firm commitment. Commitment requires action.  

How do you know if you just “want to” vs. “deciding to”? If you have some ideas of changes you’d like to make, think about each thing and see how it lines up with the “want to” or the “decide to” thoughts below.  

“Want to” thoughts (you allow things to get in the way of your goal):

  • My boss gave me a tight deadline, so I can’t go to the gym today (goal is to exercise every day)
  • I’m too tired to meditate this morning (goal is to meditate every morning)
  • It’s too cold to go for a run today (goal is to run 4x a week)
  • I deserve to have this treat because my day was so stressful (goal is to eat less sugar)
  • I just finished a big project so I’m treating myself to a purchase (goal is to spend less)
  • I don’t feel like it today
  • This is too hard

“Decide to” thoughts (your goal is your priority):

  • I’m going to do this today no matter what
  • This is worth it even if it’s hard sometimes
  • I can do hard things
  • I’m choosing to make this a priority for me today
  • Even though it’s cold out, I’m still going to do it today
  • This is important to me so I’m going to stick with my plan

Your turn: What do you want to do or be better at in 2025? What new results do you want to create for yourself? Are you ready to decide what you’ll do to make changes in your life? What would happen if you don’t make the change(s) you say you want to make? What would happen and who would you become if you did make the changes you decide to make?

Best wishes to you for 2025!

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

“Have to” vs. “want to”

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

Empowered semantics.

“I have to go over to my in-laws’ place for the holidays this year.”

“I have to pay my taxes.”

“I have to pick my kid up from school at 2pm.”

“I have to buy her a gift.”

How many of us say that we “have to” do something when in actuality, we probably WANT to do that thing.

Even if it might feel like a bit of an obligation, NOT doing it might cause more trouble than we want. So instead of thinking that we HAVE to do something, a change in semantics here actually helps us to feel more empowered about our choices. 

We can say that we WANT to do something.

Because when it comes down to it, we’re actually making empowered choices here. 

When we go over to our in-laws’ place for the holidays – even if we might feel less than happy to – we can say that we WANT to go. We are choosing to go in order to prevent whatever consequences would happen if we chose not to go.

When we pay our taxes – even if it’s not our favorite thing to do and feels like a hassle – we can say that we WANT to pay our taxes. Because by paying our taxes, we’re avoiding the consequences of choosing not to pay our taxes. 

“I want to pick my kid up from school at 2pm.”

“I want to buy her a gift.”

Sometimes a slight semantic change can create a big mindset change. And that mindset change can support us in feeling more empowered in our lives. We realize we’re making choices instead of having no agency and feeling obligated. Feeling obligated can feel disempowering. 

However, this is not to say that we need to always change our mindset from feeling obligated to feeling empowered. Having this option actually helps us recognize what we DO want to do and what we feel obligated to do. And when we aren’t able to use semantics to change our mindset, that’s when we move to boundaries. 

Your turn: Try it for yourself. When you find yourself saying or thinking “I have to…,” try changing it to “I want to…” and see where you stand. Does it help you feel more empowered in that situation? If it doesn’t, what kind of boundaries might you want to set instead? 

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Equal air time

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

For the best-case.

As we get ready for the holidays and potentially spending extended time with family members, I’d like to remind us all about the importance of equal air time.

Have you noticed that you think about worst-case scenarios more than you think about best-case scenarios?

This is partly due to our brains being wired to think this way, in order to survive. We want to be prepared for the worst. But why don’t we ever want to be prepared for the best?

Again, this is partly due to how our brains work – sometimes, we don’t want to be disappointed, so we avoid thinking about the best-case scenario to “protect” ourselves in case it doesn’t happen. OR, we think we’ll know how to handle the best-case scenario with ease, so we don’t worry about it much. 

But we DON’T think we’ll be able to handle the worst-case scenario, so we dwell on it, worry about it, ruminate about it – to no end sometimes.

Worrying pretends to be necessary. We think that if we worry enough, we’ll be prepared enough. 

I want to offer that with any-case scenarios, we won’t know what will happen or how we’ll feel and act until we’re there.

What we CAN spend more time doing is giving the best-case scenario EQUAL AIR TIME. 

Equal air time just means that if we’re going to think about what’s wrong, what’s bad, what’s lacking, what’s missing, what could go wrong, etc. then we choose on purpose to also think about what’s right, what’s good, what’s enough, what’s here right now, and what’s going right.

It may not be the best-case scenario, but it’s a better-case scenario when we can see what’s right about something instead of what’s wrong about something – especially when thinking about what’s wrong about something isn’t serving us. We can help ourselves experience more appreciation and gratitude in that space of thinking about what’s right about something. 

And there’s less room for the story about “what’s wrong” to take up space when we’re focused on the story about “what’s right.” There’s always a 50/50 component to life – positive/negative. What we choose to focus on intentionally is up to us.

Your turn: If you find yourself thinking about “what’s wrong” often, are you willing to give equal air time to “what’s right”? What would be different for you if you started giving equal air time to “what could go right” versus “what could go wrong”? 

Check out my introductory coaching program: Tools to Change Your Life

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

When you don’t feel “good enough”

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

One of the things many of my clients struggle with is not feeling “good enough.” 

When we don’t feel good enough, we do things to try to prove that we’re good enough. This is how it can show up in our lives:

  • Working without boundaries, i.e. overworking
  • Not asking for help when we need it – sometimes being unaware that we even need help
  • Thinking we need to be and look “perfect” all the time
  • Talking to ourselves in critical, judgmental ways if we aren’t “perfect” – usually without knowing it
  • Staying too long – in relationships, jobs, homes
  • Doing so much that we’re unable to take time for ourselves 
  • Grasping onto things that aren’t in our best interest in order to prove something to ourselves and/or others – lifestyle, relationship, job, etc. 

Those things are usually unhealthy behaviors. And sometimes we’re not aware that they’re unhealthy until it’s too late. And that’s OK. That’s how we learn what isn’t working for us. And it’s a path forward to learning what DOES work for us, in healthier ways.

It’s OK to find out what isn’t working in order to move towards what does work – it’s probably the most common way we learn things. Sometimes we learn from our past experiences, a line in a book we’re reading, a story about someone else’s experience, or just being sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

I learned about some of my unhealthy behaviors through therapy and life coaching. And I’ve been doing the work to become healthier and engage in my life in ways that DO work for me. It’s been so fulfilling to live differently by living INTENTIONALLY with awareness of what I’m creating in my life.

So I’ve created an introductory coaching series called “Tools to Change Your Life” to support others on their own path to becoming aware of what ISN’T working for them, so they can discover what DOES work for them.

You can consider this program for yourself or for someone in your life who could benefit from a program like this!

Learn More & Purchase

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.

Talk about what hurts

~ The Healing Modalities ~ Leave a comment

To heal.

“We’ll never be okay if we don’t talk about what hurts.” – Ashley Ford (https://www.ashleycford.net/bio)

I heard this quote mentioned on a podcast I listened to and it resonated with me. So often, we talk about everything BUT what really hurts. 

We bottle up our emotions and wonder why we feel so much resentment, powerlessness, guilt, or shame. 

Sometimes we don’t even tell ourselves the truth about what really hurts us because it’s “easier” not to think about it. But then not thinking about it actually makes our lives harder in some ways because we disconnect from our truth – and from ourselves. We hide from ourselves or tell ourselves it’s not a big deal, that we need to get over it, that we’re “stronger” than this. 

I think what helps us feel stronger is when we tell the truth and actually talk about it instead of denying it to ourselves. Talking to trusted friends or family members might feel supportive. Or talking to a therapist, counselor, or coach might feel safer – someone more objective and who has tools to hear us and empower us to move forward.

For me, seeing a therapist regularly to talk about what hurts was one of the most empowering things I’ve done for myself. When I let myself be vulnerable and saw that someone else could hold space for that vulnerability, I allowed myself to then learn to hold space for myself in that way. I allowed myself to be more vulnerable with myself and then with others. I stopped hiding myself so much and this is what also allowed me to be more authentic and aligned with who I am. I started to feel okay with who I was. 

One revelatory truth for me during therapy was, “I am okay . . . I have always been okay . . . and I will always be okay.”

Your turn: What hurts have you been denying or hiding from yourself? How might talking about them help you? Who is someone that you can talk to?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help you create the results you want in your life? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 45-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

What’s on your mind? It can be powerful to learn from each other and our common struggles when it comes to our practice of self-care–or just being a human being. If you have something you’re struggling with and would like some perspective, share it here. Your issue may be chosen and addressed in the next post–it’ll be totally anonymous.