allowing – The Healing Modalities

Give it to yourself.

Last week we talked about redefining success. This week, let’s talk about why we want to “be successful” in the first place.

Most of us don’t realize this, but we want to be successful in order to give ourselves permission to believe certain things about ourselves and to feel a certain way. What?

Sometimes, because we don’t have certain things or haven’t achieved certain goals, we think something is wrong with our lives. We think something is wrong with us.

We might think that achieving a goal will fill some hole we think we have in our lives. Why do we think there’s a hole there?

We might think that in order to believe we’re good enough or worthy, we need to accomplish goals first. We might think that in order to feel confident and happy, we need to accomplish goals first. We think the way to “fix” what’s “wrong” is to get something we don’t yet have, something outside of us.

Does this sound familiar?

When I make $X amount of money, then I’ll feel secure.
When I have X job title, then I’ll feel proud.
Once I own a house, then I’ll believe I’ve made it.
Once I weigh X pounds, then I’ll feel comfortable in my body.
When I have a partner, then I’ll believe I’m lovable.
When I have my own business, then I’ll believe I’m legit.
Once I’ve done X, then I’ll feel worthy.
Once I have X, then I’ll believe I’m good enough.

Usually, even if we’ve done or obtained what we want, we wonder why we still don’t feel ____ or believe that we’re _____.

This is because achieving goals doesn’t create our feelings or beliefs. Our thoughts create our feelings and our thoughts create our beliefs. Beliefs are just thoughts that we’ve kept thinking over and over until we think they’re true. After achieving a goal, we might feel something temporarily, but it’s not sustainable without doing the belief and thought work first.

If we’re waiting until we achieve a goal in order to believe something about ourselves or to feel something we want to feel, we might be waiting a long time. What if it’s the opposite? What if in order to achieve what we want, we need to believe and feel FIRST?

If we believe that we’re lovable, how will that impact the way we show up for dates? If we believe that we’re legit, how will that help us start a business? If we feel secure, how will we think about the money we’re currently making? If we feel comfortable in our body, how will we show up differently for ourselves?

We can believe and feel FIRST. Then, going after the goals we want is just to see what’s possible for ourselves, to stretch ourselves, and to have fun. Not to prove anything to ourselves or to fix anything about our lives.

Your turn: What would you allow yourself to believe and feel about yourself if you achieved a certain goal? What if you could start believing and feeling that way about yourself NOW with what you DO have and who you ALREADY are?

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Allow yourself to desire.

Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to tell the truth about what we REALLY want.

We anticipate the feeling of disappointment ahead of time and think, “I’ll feel so disappointed if it doesn’t happen. I don’t want to feel disappointed, so I just won’t think about it.”

Is feeling disappointed a good reason to not allow ourselves to desire or want something? Disappointment is a vibration in our body that happens when we think something like, “It’s not happening,” or “This isn’t what I wanted,” or “It’s never going to work out.”

Yes, disappointment is an uncomfortable feeling. If we know how to process our feelings, we can let disappointment flow through us instead of getting stuck. We can realize that as “bad” as disappointment feels, it is still just a vibration in our body that can pass through us if we allow it to. When we resist the feeling of disappointment is when it can seem stronger and more persistent than it needs to be. And what if we are willing to feel disappointed? It can stop being something scary to avoid.

When we want something, not getting it or not having it happen is the worst case scenario. And for some reason, the worst case scenario is usually what we think about.

But what if we allowed ourselves to give the BEST case scenario equal air time in our thoughts? What’s the best case scenario of our desire? That we get what we want. That what we want happens.

What might it be like to allow ourselves to fully desire something? Without the “what if it doesn’t happen?” part? What would that feel like?

I want to offer that it can feel empowering and tingly and even FUN to allow ourselves to fully desire something. And who says the best case scenario won’t happen?

Your turn: What are you not allowing yourself to fully desire? Why? What might you create in your life if you allowed yourself to fully desire something? Are you open to playing with that idea?

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Work with me: Want to see how self-care is transformative and can help create a more meaningful life in which you start committing to yourself and show up the way you want? I can show you how. I offer first-time seekers a complimentary 60-minute exploratory session. Sign up here.

Tag: allowing

Does success give you permission?

What do you REALLY want?