With honey butter.
I used to convince myself that I was happy in relationships where I really wasn’t. I told myself that wanting more was asking too much. That the scraps I was given were enough—if I just tried harder, stayed complaisant, didn’t demand things.
I remember being with someone who didn’t want the same things I wanted, and instead of honoring my own truth, I contorted myself into someone I thought he would want. I told myself I was fine. That this was love.
But it wasn’t. It was me abandoning myself for the sake of keeping the relationship.
We do this in all kinds of ways—not just in romantic relationships.
We mistrust ourselves.
We minimize our needs.
We shrink our voices.
We edit our desires to stay connected, to stay approved of, to stay “safe.”
The thing is, the relationship that suffers most when we do this is the one we have with ourselves.
We stop listening to our gut.
We override our knowing.
We become strangers to our own needs and wholeness, chasing crumbs of validation while starving for the fullness of self-trust.
And over time, that internal erosion leaves us disconnected—not just from others, but from our true and full selves.
The turning point, for me, was realizing:
I don’t want crumbs.
I want the whole loaf.
And more than that—I deserve it.
Not because I proved myself worthy.
Not because someone else finally said I was.
But because I decided to stop abandoning myself and start trusting what I want, what I feel, and what is true for me.
Because staying in a relationship—whether romantic, professional, or even familial—shouldn’t come at the cost of losing you.
Your Turn:
- Is there a place in your life where you’re settling for crumbs?
- What might change if you trusted your desires instead of downplaying them?
- What would self-loyalty look like in that area of your life?
- See the poem I wrote here about deserving the whole loaf.
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The Healing Modalities 